I hate talking on the phone...but

I just spent two hours on the phone, first with my sister-cousin Stacy, then with my Momma.

Here's what we talked about (I'll let you try to figure out which conversation was had with which loved-one):

~  Infertility, and what a bad word it is, and how getting pregnant and having babies will happen when it happens
~  I should run for public office.  We need an elected official that openly smokes weed and uses 4-letter words.  I'll change the world, dammit.  Plus, I think it'd be sweet to work for 2 years and then get a retirement and free healthcare for the rest of my life.  You know that's the deal we've got going with our House Representatives, right?
~  Gardening and canning and living off the land
~  Starting a commune, and how Momma will be the Princess of Agriculture
~  My brother, and all the good things we want for him
~  Sex, and the realistic frequency of it.  Stacy's doctor said a woman is basically only fertile for 13 days a year. Which, to me, means if you manage to get knocked up, CONGRATS!!!  You've hit a moving target!!!  When they say if you have unprotected sex for a year and don't get pregnant you're infertile, are they only talking about couples who do it five days a week or is their logic inclusive of everyone?
~  Boobs, and how we wish ours were bigger, how big they'll get when we have babies, and how then they'll look like deflated balloons.  Oh, and we debated breast implants and I told Stacy that if she got them it meant I would have an open invitation to grope her any time we were in the same room.
~  My dad's claim (before Momma turned up pregnant with me) that he was sterile.

Our conversations were much more interesting before I wrote them down, I fear.