Tuesday, March 22, 2011

More on Religion with Mr. HR

The HR Director called me this morning, and while he waited on the phone, had me get online to find this article, specifically so I could read this:

But most poignantly, Colton described meeting a sibling in heaven — even though he had no way of knowing that his mother had miscarried two years before he was born, since his parents had never told him.

Obviously, I made a bad judgment call when I shared that particular piece of myself with Mr. HR.  Again, I really do understand that he’s trying to be kind and compassionate and helpful.  I know he believes that telling me I could know my child in Heaven is a comfort – but in reality, that topic of conversation makes me uncomfortable.  First, I’m not comfortable saying to someone I don’t have a close, interpersonal relationship with, “I don’t believe in your God, or your version of Heaven, but thanks anyhow.”  I don’t want to take the time to try to explain my beliefs to this man; I don’t want to feel that I have to defend myself.  I don’t want to be told I’m wrong, or that he’ll pray for me, or that one day I’ll see the light.  I especially don’t want to have that conversation at work, while I’ve got truck drivers standing in the window, a mechanic sitting in my office, and 3 customers on hold waiting for me to take their calls. 

And while I’m comfortable with the fact of miscarriage being briefly touched upon in an exchange, I don’t want to talk about anything that comes too close to the emotional facts of it.  Talking about “my child” is too personal.  Me and Mr. HR?  We ain’t that kind of friends. 

One more.  He gets one more; the next time he calls and brings up this topic, we’ll have a conversation about appropriateness and couthe.   Again, he really should follow that “know your audience” rule. 




  1. Yeah, yipes, awkward. It's sweet that he's trying to ease your pain, and miscarriage can be a social minefield between too much and not enough sympathy, but yeah.

    The God conversation always adds a new level of awkward, too.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

  2. oh geeze, i hate the post-miscarriage evangelizing. hate it. *loathe* I wish i had your restraint, i was pretty vicious when people said god stuff to me in the wake of my loss.

    it's not bad enough my baby had to die, but now you're seriously going to try and convince me it was someOne's freakin plan? a plan that i would conceive a child so that it could die?!?!

    oh yeah, sign me right up for that...

    PS: love your blog by the way! hilarity!

  3. At least there weren't scary images this time...

  4. I'm sure that I'll piss someone off but, as far as God, to me that's a personal relationship; me and the Big Guy just as it should be for anyone who believes in Him. Yeah, I preach, many things, but worship and heavenly lectures are better reserved for some chosen house of worship and not from some sidewalk religious zealot.

    Sometimes, I just cannot deal with people remarking that a tragedy "was God's will" or telling another person suffering a loss that "God meant it to be". Tell me, are those really words that help to heal or am I not on this planet?

    If we choose to believe such things, in our hearts, that's our choice; someone coming out of left field (like this "HR") and attempting to put a religious spin on another person's heartbreak, well, I draw the line.

    Stick to your guns, Nat; should Elmer Gantry strike again, let him have it!


  5. I think you are handling Mr. HR with far more grace and tact than I would. I know that I was in no mood for that bullshit post-miscarriage and I had no qualms letting people know.

    I LOVE your about me page and I think you totally ROCK!

    ICLW #36

  6. Oh my God!! This guy is so clueless I can't believe it! I agree, next time he brings it up tell him you're not comfortable discussing it any further.

    And he's in HR??? Scary...


Please don't make me cry.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...