Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I hate talking on the phone...but

I just spent two hours on the phone, first with my sister-cousin Stacy, then with my Momma.

Here's what we talked about (I'll let you try to figure out which conversation was had with which loved-one):

~  Infertility, and what a bad word it is, and how getting pregnant and having babies will happen when it happens
~  I should run for public office.  We need an elected official that openly smokes weed and uses 4-letter words.  I'll change the world, dammit.  Plus, I think it'd be sweet to work for 2 years and then get a retirement and free healthcare for the rest of my life.  You know that's the deal we've got going with our House Representatives, right?
~  Gardening and canning and living off the land
~  Starting a commune, and how Momma will be the Princess of Agriculture
~  My brother, and all the good things we want for him
~  Sex, and the realistic frequency of it.  Stacy's doctor said a woman is basically only fertile for 13 days a year. Which, to me, means if you manage to get knocked up, CONGRATS!!!  You've hit a moving target!!!  When they say if you have unprotected sex for a year and don't get pregnant you're infertile, are they only talking about couples who do it five days a week or is their logic inclusive of everyone?
~  Boobs, and how we wish ours were bigger, how big they'll get when we have babies, and how then they'll look like deflated balloons.  Oh, and we debated breast implants and I told Stacy that if she got them it meant I would have an open invitation to grope her any time we were in the same room.
~  My dad's claim (before Momma turned up pregnant with me) that he was sterile.

Our conversations were much more interesting before I wrote them down, I fear.


  1. Nope. They were interesting to read. Fascinating, really... ;) And I will attest to the deflated boob part. It's true. I'd send you pics, but then you'd never look at old women the same way again.

  2. My boobs didn't really get bigger when I was pregnant - every other part of my body did though.


Please don't make me cry.


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