Saturday, August 9, 2014

27 weeks

We still have no idea what we're naming this little girl.  "Geneva's Sister" has been vetoed.  I don't like any of our other options.  I feel like she has a really awesome name out there, we just haven't found it yet.  What if we don't find it in time?

The butt pain has begun and it's no joke - there's a certain spot in the middle of my right butt cheek that just flat out hurts by the end of each day, sometimes when I wake up in the mornings, and pretty regularly in the middle of the day when I'm walking to the copier at work.  Yoga helps, walking helps, and I'm sure if I'd get my ass to the pool that would REALLY help, but getting started on those activities is difficult, between the aching butt and the toddler who insists that I sit on the floor and play "moo" with her. (The Little People Farm - she calls it "moo".  She's the cutest kid in the world; new baby has some seriously big shoes to fill.)

I hear that it's easy to love the second as much as you love the first, that it comes automatically and will shock and awe you just as much as the love for the first did.  I know that the women who say these things probably aren't lying, but damn, I have a hard time fathoming it.  Geneva is my favorite person in the whole world.  (Don't tell Jimi - I think he's probably supposed to still be my favorite, but she's just so much cuter than him!)  The love I have for that little girl is ridiculous in its depth and severity.  I cannot imagine feeling the same way about another kid - I just can't imagine anyone ever being able to compare to her.  And it scares me - what if new baby shows up and I don't love her as much as I love Geneva?  What if she's not as sweet or cute or smart or fun?  What if I don't feel the same for her, and what if I'm not able to fake it?  Are these normal fears for a mom expecting her second child, or am I fucked up and destined to fuck up both of my kids because of my crazy?

It's funny how grown up relationships change when you become parents.  Jimi is the love of my life, my rock, my best friend, but we're so different now than we were 2 years ago.  We have to be - we are responsible for every aspect of keeping another human alive every day.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, bathing, laundry, diapers, playing, teaching - everything.  It's a lot, and it's exhausting, and by the time we're done with those duties at the end of each day, there's very little time and energy left for each other, let alone romance.  We've nearly become roommates, but we still occasionally exchanging a kiss on our way to do the dishes or fold the laundry or make the dinner, and every now and then we manage to meet up in our bedroom to remind ourselves for a few moments of how we got here - and what life was like before we had so much responsibility and so little time.  Despite the changes, which I imagine are pretty par for the course for most new parents, I still love this chapter in our lives, and I'm convinced now more than ever that Jimi is the person I'm meant to walk this road with.  I couldn't ask for a more dedicated partner, and Geneva and She Who Has Not Been Named couldn't have a better man for a father.  He loves his family so fiercely, and gives everything he has to keep us happy and safe and clean and fed.  We have years ahead of us to be all disgusting and mooshy - may as well save it for when it'll gross out our kids.  :)



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