Monday, October 29, 2012

23.5 - Life is so pretty.

I love everything.  All of it is wonderful. 

My house is clean and dinner is cooking in the crockpot while I work.  My husband is a dream come true.  My dog hasn't pooped in the floor or torn up anything in weeks.  The cat hasn't thrown up in the hallway in at least a week.  My baby girl is growing and kicking and I get more excited every day about getting to meet her. 

I am starting to develop a few pregnancy-related complaints, though.  Like how my hips start to hurt/ache half-way through each day.  A heating pad helps a little, and so does a hot bath, but neither are guaranteed to bring lasting results.  I'm trying hard not to complain, though - the women in my birth club on were discussing their hemmorhoids yesterday, and so long as I'm not in that club, I'll shut the hell up and enjoy my sore hips, thankyouverymuch.  (I've added a tablespoon of milk of magnesia to my evening ritual, just to help my odds of staying out of that club.)  Other minor not-important-enough-to-bitch-about complaints include my right arm falling asleep if I sleep on my right side, and my feet/heels falling asleep regardless of on which side I lie.  In other words, I have nothing to complain about and feel like the most fortunate girl in the world - this has been so much easier than I'd dreamed it'd be. 

Two of the women in my birth club had micro-premies in the last week, one at 23 weeks 3 days, the other at 25 weeks 2 days.  Heartbreaking and terrifying, but so far, both babies are holding their own and making it.  My heart goes out to the parents and families of those little ones - I can't imagine their fear. 

Have I mentioned how much I love my husband?  He told me nothing would change if/when we finally married, and mostly that's been true, but I swear it feels like there's more love in our home these days.  He laughed when i said this and quoted his expectant father book, "Apparently, i'm experiencing some hormonal changes of my own - they're supposed to make me more loving and attentive to you and baby, to help me prepare."  Whatever the reason, I'll take it.  If you're my Facebook friend, I'm sorry for the sap overload, I just can't help it.  Imagine how disgusting it is in our house these days!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

23 - A large Mango

Jimi sang to her last night, and she danced in response.  My heart melted, his eyes got misty - oh, this is such an amazing thing we're doing. 

Thursday, October 18, 2012

22.1 - This week I learn to love spaghetti squash

11 inches long and weighing in at a pound, our baby is the size of a spaghetti squash this week.  I can't believe something so large is inside me - it's mind-blowing to think about.  I like going to the grocery and holding the fruit/vegetable she's being compared to against my belly, and just imagining.  It was awesome when she was the size of a blueberry, and now she's as big as a squash.  Crazy!

The saga of the raccoon has ended.  Jimi killed it dead, and yesterday its remains were removed from my attic and now we're going to live happily ever after without wildlife in our upstairs.  I'm thrilled. 

I think my nesting is kicking in - I cleaned the kitchen for 2 hours on Sunday, and I've kept it spotless since.  I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me, it's quite the accomplishment.  I'm ready to tackle the rest of the house now - I want things neat and organized and de-furred.  My aunts are throwing us a wedding celebration on Saturday - having to get the place ready for that is an excellent motivator and excuse to clean everything. 

Jimi was on the phone a few nights back with his cousin Laura, and when she asked about me and how the pregnancy is going, I listened to my husband explain how well it's gone for me the last few months, and then he said, "She seems so much happier - I may just have to keep her pregnant!"  I laughed.  He's right, though.  I am happier, and thinking on his words, in that moment I realized that the burden I've carried fro the last two years, it's gone.  Just like that, I suddenly felt so much lighter.  That is what this happiness, this unbridled giddiness I've been feeling, that's where it's come from - I'm not terrified anymore.  I don't have the fear of infertility anymore.  I don't feel broken.  I feel strong and like this is what I was meant to do, like I was made for this.  My body was made to make this little girl, and look!  We're doing it!  I tried to explain this to Jimi, and he asked, "Was that weighing on you so heavily, Nat?"  "Oh, God, yes.  It was with me every day, every moment.  It was my burden to bear, and I've just realized it's gone and I'm free again." 

No wonder the sun shines brighter, the grass is greener, the trees more vibrant shades of yellow red and orange.  This little girl is changing my world view already, shifting my reality.  I love her so much, and I'm so grateful to get to be her mom. 

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

21.6 - Carrot top

Driving to the hardware store last night to pick up a part to repair our dripping kitchen faucet, I felt several little *bump bump bump*s in my lower abdomen.  I put my fingers there and tapped back - bump bump bump - and then rested my hand over the spot.  Seconds later *bump bump bump* came the reply.  I giggled, and did it again.  She did too.  Five or six times we went back and forth that way, me and my daughter, playing together, saying hello.  I'm teary-eyed just typing this - I want to remember that moment forever, it was one of the neatest things I've ever experienced.

I've been feeling her flutters for weeks, and maybe a dozen times I've felt her kicks from the outside, with my hand on my belly.  Jimi's gotten maybe one bump, but there will be plenty to come, I'm certain. 

We spent our evening last night, after the sink was repaired, checking out our options for free "A BABY IS COMING!" classes.  And researching Hypnobabies - (anyone have a home-study course they want to lend to or sell me?) - and prenatal yoga classes.  I practiced the positions taught in my Active Birth book - and slept well last night and woke this morning without hip pain.  Coincidence?  I hope not. 

Things are getting real up in here.  I have a baby belly that can't be denied, and I love it tremendously.  I've gained 10 pounds and that puts me right on track where I should be.  I feel great.  I'm happier than I've ever been.  Life is Beautiful. 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

19.3 - My little (big) Heirloom Tomato

(I started writing this days ago, and never finished it.  Dear Baby, I'm sorry I suck at blogging about you and this pregnancy.  I'll work on it.  I hope.) 

When I first started falling off the blogging bandwagon a while back, I blamed my normal, run-of-the-mill, every-day-is-the-same-as-the-one-before life - you know, lack of blogging fodder.  I figured if I ever got pregnant, I'd be blogging like crazy, back to posting an entry every day, or twice a day. 

Here I am, pregnant, newly married, planning a wedding reception, and with crazy changes happening in my world every day, and I still can't seem to bang out more than one post a week - and I'm doing good to blog that often.  Obviously, I'm just lazy.  (The lack of a fully-functioning computer at home doesn't help, either.)

We had our big baby-doctor appointment this past Tuesday - the much-anticipated anatomy scan ultrasound.  Leading up to the appointment, I was becoming a nervous wreck - what if there's something wrong?  Will all the pieces and parts be there and functioning properly?  The tech put the wand on my belly and exclaimed "Oh Goody!  I didn't miss anyone - there's still only one in there!"  And there was my baby, in profile.  The little nose, mouth, forehead.  The tech moved the wand around some more and we saw little arms, little legs, little feet.  We watched our child yawn, and it was the sweetest, most endearing, most adorable yawn in the history of yawns everywhere. 

The tech took measurements and explained to us what we were seeing - kidneys, stomach, umbilical cord, cervix, brain.  We listened to the heartbeat and watched the four chambers pump.  Our baby is healthy.  *insert huge sigh of relief here*

"Are we finding out the sex of this little one," Tech asks.  "Yes, please, if we can," Mom & Dad answer.  (OMG - Mom & Dad!   That's us!)  She had me turn on my side and pushed around on my belly, moving the baby so the legs would be in the correct position.  I rolled back over on my back, she put the wand to my stomach, and there on the screen was the money shot - I gasped in shock -

"We have a girl," I said.  The awe and surprise was audible in my voice.  "Yes, you do - a little girl," the tech confirmed.  She showed Jimi what we were looking at - the lack of a penis - and took some more pictures.  I kept saying, "I just can't believe it.  I KNEW we were having a boy!  All my dreams have been about little boys."

Now we have to save for college and a wedding.  And a prom dress.  And I have to learn how to fix a little girl's hair, and teach her how to shave her legs.  And some boy is going to break her heart one day and make her cry - how will I not kill him?

Oh, but little girl clothes are so much cuter.  And she and Addy Rose will be just the very best friends - Natalie & Stacy, v2.0!

And Jimi - oh, Jimi will be the best daddy.  Our daughter is so lucky to have him as her father.  Can you imagine?! 

Hi.  It's me again.  This is the new stuff, not the stuff I wrote days ago.  The post should read "20 - Banana Baby".  Maybe I'll use that later this week.  If I don't continue to suck at documenting this miracle.  That's right - twenty weeks.  Today, we're at what's considered the half-way mark.  Holy shitballs, I can't believe we've made it here.  I mean, I can - this has been the easiest thing in the world; a breeze, really.  I'm just overwhelmed at the awesomeness of it all, and I feel so fortunate and lucky and blessed and smiled-upon.  I must've been a very good person in a past life.  I'm so thankful for my husband.  I'm so thankful for our little family.  I'm so thankful for my health, and for the health of our daughter.   I'm thankful for our employment, for our home, for our fun dog and fat cat.  Life is so beautiful.


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