The sun was shining today. What a difference the sun can make.
And it seemed like the world understood I needed to be handled a bit more gently today. My morning went smoothly, and Jimi - I didn't tell him about my lunchtime breakdown yesterday and he doesn't read my blog, so he doesn't know about all of that; I feel like he deals with enough of my crazy, I don't have to weigh him down with ALL of it ALL the time. But Jimi, that wonderful, sweet, intuitive man of mine, he somehow felt what I needed, and (warning, this may be a TMI moment) this morning? He held me. I was standing in my panties and hair towel, in the door of the TV room, watching the horror of the tsunami coverage on the 46" flat screen, and he came up behind me, pressed his fully-clothed body to mine, wrapped his arms around me, and he held me. He kissed my ears and my neck and he ran his hands along my hips, oblivious to the extra 29 or so pounds hanging out there. He held me, and when I turned to him he kissed my mouth, oblivious to the morning breath I hadn't yet rinsed or brushed away. He held me. And I was reminded of the love, the light, the happy, the joy in my life. And I knew it was all okay.
I came outside and the sun was shining through the trees. The garbage cans were lined up neatly along the curb. The trees were budding. The birds were chirping.
And work was fine. It wasn't crazy or stressful or bothersome; the piles of paper are intimidating, but I kept thinking "one thing at a time" and I was reminded it'll all get done, but I can't do it all at once, so no need getting all worked up over it. I took a customer to lunch; we watched the swollen Ohio River through the window while the television flashed scenes from the devastation in Japan. I went back to the office and dug into my pile; I went to my afternoon meeting; I gathered up the four-inch stack of papers I've got to touch before 7 a.m. Monday.
And then the day, the hard part, was over. Jimi worked the late shift, so I came home and drank a beer and called Stacy. We're going shopping in the morning - she's got a new job to start next week and needs business casual wear; I've been wearing the same jeans and t-shirts for 5 years and need to update my wardrobe. Then I called my Daddy - he's hosting a poker game tonight. Momma's at a fish fry with Aunt Pam. Then Jimi's brother showed up...
Just another awesome Friday. Almost as good as a Saturday. So much better than Thursday.
And, I don't have words to say how thankful I am to each and every one of you who comes here and reads this crap I write. And those of you who comment? Do you have any idea how much happy you bring to my day? Yesterday was pretty bad, guys. I didn't realize how sad I am over this whole "I want to be a Mommy" thing until I found myself bitching about work and realizing I was crying (sobbing) because I'm not pregnant. I'll work my way through this - realizing how all-encompassing it's become is a good first step, I figure.
Jimi and his brother are back with dinner, so I'm going to go eat some fish like a good *pretend* Catholic. Happy Friday, Friends! I hope you're safe and warm and loved and happy and full of hope.
Edit: The world handled ME more gently today; I realize there are many whose lives were devastated today. I'm not at a point where I can talk about that too much just yet; it hurts to think about.