Saturday, July 31, 2010
Pomplamoose - Another Day
(And I don't know how to embed YouTube videos without breaking the frames so you get a link instead. My bad.)
Friday, July 30, 2010
I got up to an alarm at 6:30 this morning and went to work. (I'd forgotten to print off production schedules before I left yesterday. Oops. I really need to teach someone (Kim) how to do the basic computer parts of my job.)
I was at work for maybe half an hour, then went Krogering to pick up some milk, coffee cream, doughnuts, english muffins, cherry preserves, and strawberry cream cheese. Making that list makes me feel fat.
My plans today include:
~ Mowing the yard. Twice. Because it's that tall.
~ Playing on the internet
~ Playing Sims 3
~ Finishing Book 6 of the Harry Potter series. (New movie comes out in November; must re-read the books to prepare for opening-night viewing.)
~ Grocery shopping. (I love grocery shopping. Until it's time to check out. Then I want to get all stabby.)
~ Playing on the internet
~ Not working
The rest of our long weekend looks just as exciting. You're totally jealous, aren't you?
Thursday, July 29, 2010
That's a lot of strangers reading my writing. Some of them even said "I like your writing." SQUEE!!!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
But for the rest of you, want to hear the story? Here's how it goes:
Kat was my super awesome BFF from high school who was like a sister to me and with whom I could share my deepest darkest thoughts and fears and who was often able to finish my sentences for me. We met in middle school and became quick friends. My earliest memories our our friendship involve me arguing with my mom to let me ride my bike across J-town so I could hang out at her house. That, and us being mean to Tabitha. We were always awesome at talking shit about our other BFFs, but Tabitha was our favorite.
See, when Kat and I first met, she was BFFs with Tabitha. Tabitha was, um, let's call it "needy". (If you know me and you're reading this - reflect on that for a moment. I am calling her "needy". Me, the Queen of Need. Anyway.) Tabitha wanted to be all up in Kat's business all the time, because, well, after all, she and Kat were BFFs. Well, Kat started getting sort of tired of Tabitha hanging around all the time. I think she started making excuses to hang out with me, trying to edge Tab out a little. (I say "I think" because this memory is like 18 years old, and I may or may not be remembering correctly. As with most things, I remember the gist of the story more than the details.) Tab lived in the same subdivision as Kat. They'd been playing at each others houses since Kat had moved in a few years before. It was common for Tab to go to Kat's house after school every day. That started getting a little old, and Kat started telling her she couldn't come over some afternoons. One particular afternoon, we'd made plans for me to come over to her house after school instead, which was sort of a big deal because that meant my Momma would have to come pick me up some time later that evening, which was always a big deal because my mom (I see now) is like me and would really prefer to not have to do anything extra after work, and I can easily see that including picking up children from play dates.
So Kat tells Tab, "You can't come over this afternoon because Nat's coming over."
Tab says, "Okay." But her feelings are obviously hurt. I'm pretty certain we giggled over that, shitty little assholes that we were. (Have I mentioned that somewhere right around this time a rumor started circulating through the school that Tabitha was a lesbian? I honestly don't remember where it originated, but I do know that neither Kat nor I did anything to argue on the behalf of our "friend".)
So the school day goes on, Kat and I talking incessantly about all the cool things we were going to do that afternoon (especially when in Tabitha's presence - girls are SO mean), and finally it's time to go home! Here comes Tabitha.
"Hey Kat, I accidentally left my key at home today, I just realized. I don't have any way to get into my house. I'm so sorry, but can I please come to your house after school?"
You know how this ends, don't you? She came over, Kat and I were probably not terribly nice to her, and I can't remember if it was a few hours or a few days later that we learned she'd actually had her key, she just didn't want to be left out. Hell, we may have found it in her purse that same afternoon - I really don't remember. But all hell broke loose. Poor Tabitha was accused of being deceitful, a liar, a bad friend, a lesbian, a stalker - any thing that was awful and hateful and could potentially make her cry and feel horrible about herself. Neither of us, not Kat nor I, spoke to Tabitha for the next year. (Of course I somehow made her actions out to be offensive to me, also. It's always about me.) We actively snubbed her. We continued to say mean things about her. It was part of our friendship, Kat's and mine, to be mean to Tabitha and talk about how much better we were than her. (We eventually outgrew the being mean part. We never got over the "better than her" attitude - at least, not until we stopped being friends, I guess.)
The silence was broken because of the Spring Chorus Concert at the end of 8th grade. I had a solo - "Grandpa", by The Judds. We did the program 3 times; once at night for parents/family/friends, twice during the school day that followed - once for each of two sets of students that comprised the whole of the school. Tabitha sent me a note after she heard me sing that said I'd sounded beautiful and that she loves my voice. I'm a sucker for a compliment, and really, it was getting old being mad at her for something so stupid, so somehow that note led to peace and BFF status between us again. We had accepted her back into the fold. But we were still WAY better than her.
That's what I think of when I think of Kat and I in the beginning. And I'm supposed to be writing about the end, but now I'm floating down memory lane.
Kat and I were friends in high school, and we claimed to be BFFs, but we were so competitive, I don't know how far I'm willing to go if I'm trying to be honest here. I was jealous as hell of her. I wouldn't admit that, of course, but for some reason I wanted to be her - i wanted her hair, I wanted her bra size, I wanted to make friends as easily as she did, i wanted to be as sweet and innocent as she was, I wanted to be admired the way that she was, I wanted boys to adore me the way they adored her, I wanted a mom as laid back and easy going and uninterested as hers was. I wanted an older brother like hers. I wanted to be able to have my boyfriend spend the night with me if I wanted him to. (Of course, I would've had sex with them, the way she never did.)
And I did not-friend-like things to her in high school. I talked shit about her with my true high school BFF, David. (He's also the font from which my Mormon/LDS fascination originates. I plan on saying much about him in a future post. I miss him.) I secretly loved that school was easier for me; math, english, science - I was better at all of it. I tried to convince everyone that I was way better than her at Drill Team (JROTC Sport - you spin rifles and wear uniforms and pretend to be, in our case, Marines). I talked shit about her when the Drill Team Commander decided I was wrong.
I totally kissed her boyfriends. (Yes, the s is there on purpose. There were two of them.) The first, I accidentally/on-purpose kissed back when he cornered me one afternoon outside the JROTC building at school. I kissed back, but only for a second, and only until he tried to make me touch his erection through his always-too-tight pants. I didn't tell her right away. Not for years, in fact. I told her later, but only when I was afraid she might actually consider losing her virginity to that asshole, who'd continued to try to corner me in the clothing room and behind the bleachers for the next 3 years. I never kissed him back after that first time, I swear.
The next boyfriend, though, I tried to steal from her. He'd been in love with me for years and now he was making googley eyes at her and it infuriated me and made me think I'd been in love with him and didn't know it and now I had to get my man back! So I kissed him, and he kissed me back, until I tried to touch his erection through his not-tight-enough pants and he pushed me away. I don't know if he told her about that or not. I did, years later, after we'd spent a year apart and grown closer than we'd ever been.
The summer after high school was epic for us. (As this post is quickly becoming. I always have been a bad story-teller. I never get to the point.) We spent the entire summer driving all over Louisville, up and down Bardstown Road, through downtown, over to the Falls of the Ohio, back to Iroquois Park, out to Long Run Park. All in one night. We went to parties, met boys, played pool, got drunk, smoked cigars (never cigarettes or reefer, though).
And then she went off to school and I met a boy. A boy she didn't like. (He was a dick - I shouldn't have liked him either.) And then she joined the Mormon Church. (Another reason for my fascination.) And then I moved in with that boy. And then she went off and joined the Army. And then i got engaged. And then she moved to Washington, DC.
And then, and then, and then...at least I warned you that this blog is boring.
Yada yada yada, she was my maid of honor when I finally did get married. She flew to El Paso to help me pack and move when I got divorced. And then we stopped being friends.
I wanted to go out and party and enjoy my newly single life. She wanted to scrapbook and watch "The Amazing Race" and "Survivor". I wanted to get drunk and pretend I was happy, she wanted to go to art museums and pottery classes. I wanted to smot poke, she was all "WTF, man?" I wouldn't give up my newly-found freedom/friends/life, she wasn't interested in any of that. I had a hard time finding time to fit her in to my new life. When i did, I was always under a deadline to get somewhere else, be somewhere else, be seen with someone else. I wanted desperately for her to join me, to be a part of this new awesomeness, but still, she wanted none of it.
Eventually, we drifted away. Then she said mean things to me in an email. Then she came over one last time. Then she wrote me off for good, and I've dreamed of her often since then. I wrote her on facebook and told her. She basically said "Oh well". And then it all clicked, finally.
There's too much history in a 14 year friendship to get it all out, all the nuances and intricacies and inside information. There's too much that leads to the final act, the resolution, the end. I make it sound like it was all my fault, and a lot of it (most, maybe?) is. But she is not without fault, and the true story of our parting has many other facets that won't be discussed here, not today. I'm sure no one's reading by now, anyhow.
But for the guilt I carry with me, I dreamed of her. Weekly, sometimes nightly. I was always sad, always lonely, and always missed her, and Tabitha, terribly upon waking from these dreams.
Last night's dream was different, as I said. It really did click, and I'm glad. I'm not so sad anymore. I'm not lonely. I don't miss her.
It's about fucking time.
This dream was different, though. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t melancholy. I mostly wondered why she was there, and wondered when she’d be leaving. Our words were awkward. Our smiles were forced.
Neither of us wanted her to be there.
This is progress. This looks like the sign I’ve been waiting for to show myself that I’ve accepted what I cannot change.
I’m both heartbroken and happy.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
That's the extent of my excitement about cooking lately. I remember that I like cooking; it's the actual execution and clean-up that seems like too much to mess with.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Badtouch music that I don't want to listen to.
And it makes me jump every time. I like quiet. It scares me when the loud starts suddenly and makes me pee a little.
Okay, that last part only happened one time, but ONCE IS ENOUGH.
Please, don't put media players on your blog. And if you don't care what i think, if you insist that sharing your questionable taste in music with the rest of the blog reading world is a good idea and/or necessary to fully portray your awesomeness, can you at least put it at the top of the page? So I can pause it quickly? Or know it's coming, and maybe make a preemptive-pause strike?
Cause you're messing up a good thing.
Momma came over mid-day. I bought her a Sansa Fuze for Mother's Day. She says she loves it, but she has no idea how to use it beyond playing the songs I loaded on it for her. She brought it over so I could download and sync her chorus music, along with loading the new Christina Aguilera and Susan Boyle CDs. (She says Christina is trashy, but she has a strong voice.)
Momma was fascinated with the brewing process. She stood on a makeshift bench Jimi had rigged in the garage and watched as they added boiling water into the tank with the cracked grain, laughing when she realized it smelled so much like oatmeal. She asked a million questions, as she always does (and how it used to embarrass me!), and these two burly men were happy as clams to answer her every inquiry. They love showing off how much they know about making beer. Momma was super impressed.
Our yard is atrocious. The mowers are both dead, and Jimi's truck was dead until just Saturday, and then there was brewing, so we've not gotten either mower into a repair shop. And the grass keeps growing. We've got the biggest, most eye-sore-ing-ess yard on the block! Momma said we need a riding mower. She did not, however, ofter to buy us one.
And so the yard grows.
Work was hard today. I started off my morning firing the driver I hired last Thursday. Then I found out one of our "veteran" drivers (been employed more than 1 year), um, unembellished the facts of the "minor fender bender" in which he was involved yesterday. That "minor fender bender" will cost at least $3500 to repair - and that's just our truck. THEN, the driver who was involved in the not-his-fault crash 2 weeks ago? Comes back from the occupational physician with a note that he's starting physical therapy, tomorrow, at 10 a.m.
I got to re-do my schedule at least 6 times.
(Glad I went in an hour early. And skipped lunch.)
But now I am home. And I made dinner. (It's been my turn for at least 2 weeks. And I only made Velveeta Shells & Cheese with tuna. And Bacon. I think the bacon made it okay that I didn't cook for the last 2 weeks. Bacon makes everything better.) And I found a strawberry freeze pop in the back of the freezer. And there's still a beer or two in the fridge.
So yeah. Nothing new here.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
This isn't that sort of neighborhood, you know?
Of course, I couldn't find my phone. Jimi couldn't find his phone. So I kept going outside to see how the fight was coming along. Yep, still fighting. A neighbor walking his husky pup tried to intervene, but I guess the fighters didn't want to stop, so the neighbor continued on his morning stroll. A white car passing the scene stopped to watch the action unfold.
Eventually, the guys got tired of hitting each other and looked almost as if they were ready to shake hands and move along, then heated words were exchanged yet again (in Spanish) and lots of angry gesturing ensued. The humvee driver got in his vehicle, but refused to move his behemoth truck. The van driver pounded on the driver's side window of the hummer for a few seconds before running back to his van and starting it up, then passing the hummer by driving through the neighbors yard. As soon as the van was off the road, the hummer took off, so the van turned sharply and pursued.
And then i called my Momma to tell her I probably won't go swimming with her today, and she told me that my brother spent the night in jail Friday night for public intoxication, possession of marijuana, and (possibly) possession of a controlled substance. This, after he got a ticket 2 weeks ago for PI and Possession while sitting in a buddy's car in front of my parents house. (The same buddy he went to jail with Friday night.)
I thought we were past this. I thought he was cleaning himself up. I believed him when he said, "If I work these two jobs, I won't have time to get into trouble."
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Maybe because your life is boring, Natalie.
All the good URLs are taken. And the blogs they link to? Haven't been updated since 2002, 2004, 2006. I'm wondering if I have the URL for that one that was started in 2006 - perhaps I set it up under a different email account that I've long since forgotten? Completely possible.
So I need to keep thinking on this. I could ask Jimi, and he'd probably come up with something awesome, but then it wouldn't be as awesome because I didn't come up with it by myself.
God, at least all of life's problems aren't this hard.
Friday, July 23, 2010
That's what she said. (HA!) She, as in the ultrasound tech. So I guess i'll just wait and see what Dr. R has to say on Monday after the bloodwork and xrays come back.
At least it doesn't hurt so bad today. And if i get really drunk tonight, I've got a script for phenergan that will keep me from puking tomorrow.
(Just kidding about that last part - I haven't filled the script yet. :) )