Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I'm gonna be one of those exercise/weight-loss bloggers for a while, okay?

I'm new to this counting calories thing.  Um, it's possible I've been known to say I'd never live my life counting the calories I put into my mouth because, well, fuck that.  I like food.  A lot.  It's one of my favorite things ever.  

But I've gotten fat by being lazy, and lo and behold, here I am, running to the computer or my stupid, hated-but-now-sorta-tolerated Blackberry so I can record every morsel that so much as looks at my lips a second too long.  And I'm rounding up!  For example:  Tonight, my pan-seared cod filet had, according to the package, only 90 calories per 4 oz serving, but I totally selected the first pan-seared cod that popped up, even though it was for 119 calories.  I figure this gives me a little wiggle room - I mean, this weight-loss shit isn't exact science or anything, you know?  And I recorded the teaspoon of safflower oil Jimi used to lube the pan, and the lime wedge I squeezed over my fish.  I recorded the carrot slices and the radish slices and the 4T of salad dressing.  Yes.  4T.  (I probably left half a tablespoon on the plate, but I wasn't going to measure and deduct.)  My dressing won for calorie content tonight.  

I'm determined I'm not going to fail at this - I'm going to look phenomenal in that dress and I will rock the world with my awesome that will only be outshadowed by the bride's, which of course is how it should be, seeing as how it's her big day and all. 

Speaking of the bride, she called me tonight and we're going to go work our asses at the gym tomorrow night.  I'm excited to have an exercise buddy in real life, in addition to all of this amazing support you guys keep heaping upon me so generously.  (Have I said thank you yet?  Thank you!  I feel encouraged and inspired and like I've got people rooting for me, which always makes everything easier.)  

I'm trying to be really careful when I'm entering my exercises.  I don't want to bump up the numbers to make things look better on paper - the only cheating is cheating myself, and that ain't gonna zip that dress.  That being said, I walked/jogged/ran 4.04 miles tonight in 1:08:00.  I know you just read that as "I walked/jogged ran blahblahblahblah".  If you didn't, and you understand what it means, please stop rolling your eyes and thinking "OMG, did she really just post that embarrassing lame-ass time?  HAHAHAHA!!!"  I'm sorta recording it here for posterity.  

That evening stroll with Finn made my day look awesome - I burned 458 calories, meaning I've got another 440 calories left today before I hit 1200.  I'm having a beer.  Shut up.  I know it's counterproductive, but it's only 99 calories and 3 carbs and I've got 128(!!!) carbs left for the day so I feel like I've fucking earned this beer.  

I'm sorry if this post sucks big fat hairy gorilla balls.  (Do gorillas have hairy balls?  Or are their private parts naked like those other monkey-things?)  I won't talk about my fat or my food or my calories or my lame-ass walk/jog/run times forever.  

I feel great.  I feel strong.  I feel like I'm going to be buying a new wardrobe at the after-Christmas sales.  


  1. Dude, 4 miles in a little over an hour is GOOD! You are getting out there! And you burned almost 500 calories. I agree with you about not cheating -- really you would only be cheating yourself.

    Keep up the good work!

  2. I love you, and hope that you will inspire me. Keep it up.

  3. Look at you! You're a regular weight-loss blogger now. LOL! I love it.

    BTW, last night, on my walk, I would think about what I wanted to get out of my workout (and weight loss). I would change up what I would visualize when I hit another block so that it wasn't just me thinking about just my final goal. It was pretty neat because I was reminded about how I won't feel like such a fat fuck in Christmas photos and/or that I won't look like a disgusting slob when I'm buying Easter chocolate for the boys. It was a pretty neat tactic...kept me going for blocks and blocks and blocks.

    If you do that, you can go through the entire wedding with visualizations. It'd be cool!

  4. Dude, I don't think I could run/walk/jog 4 miles in an hour - good for you!!

    Definitely include the oil you cook in, but do try to select the closest calorie count for stuff (or enter it yourself it it's an item you'll be eating pretty regularly - then it's just in "your foods" and you can pick exactly the right thing). Just like you don't want to overestimate your exercise calories, you don't want to too severely over/underestimate your food calories, b/c it IS pretty much science and math regarding calories in and calories out... and you want to strike that good balance.

    I learned so much about portion control and how many calories were in thing when I was using MFP (which I'll be doing again post-baby!). Good life-long lessons really, b/c then you don't have the excuse of "i didn't KNOW there were 100 calories in that little tablespoon of butter" :)

    Another tip - take measurements now and then again when you're halfway to the wedding date and then again the day of the wedding. Sometimes the scale doesn't totally reflect the toning, and you'll need fat loss + toning to make a dress zip in your back like that!

  5. Good job girl! That is good timing!

  6. This is really awesome and I'm excited for you. Jenifer over at Blenifer Uncorked


    has a skinny jean pact that I'm still trying to talk myself into doing. I'm just not sure how ready I am to actually commit to making changes. Your posts are helping though.


Please don't make me cry.


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