You guys really like it when I tell you embarrassing shit about myself, don't you? Don't lie, you eat it up like candy.
In that case, here, have some more:
~ When I was 6, my aunt Sheila got married. When she arrived at her bridal shower, I ran up to her and gave her a huge hug, yelling "HAPPY!..." I faded out, realizing it wasn't her birthday, and no one says "Happy Bridal Shower!" It's like my first ever embarrassing moment.
~ I remember her wedding reception vividly because I danced the night away and for years after considered myself a pretty fantastic dancer. I even tried out for the dance team in middle school. Once. I didn't make it, of course. And a few months later, when we were at a "dance" (one held in the middle school gym during school hours), I busted out one of those awesome dance moves I'd learned during try-outs. The popular girls, the ones who'd made the dance team, they stood over there and watched me. The looks on their faces told me they knew I was awesome and they were deciding right then and there to strike and never dance again until I was given my rightful spot on the team. Until one of them said, "What is that supposed to be?" She mimicked my arm-waving and foot-shuffling and I wished a hole would open up in the floor and swallow me. I have claimed my white-girl status any time dancing has been mentioned in the subsequent years.
~ I didn't kiss a boy for the first time until I was 14. He was my best friend's boyfriend. Awesome, right?
~ I was in JROTC in high school, on the Drill Team, and I was pretty damned good, if I do say so myself. This one time, during a competition, I was supposed to catch a rifle that was thrown over the formation - and I would've too, if the cow who threw the fucking thing hadn't been nervous and had thrown it somewhere near the same zip code where I stood. The rifle went flying above and behind me, and convinced I'd be able to save it, I tried to make a dive for it...and landed on my ass. In a military dress uniform. In a skirt. In front of a bunch of asshole teenagers. I wanted to die, but not before I committed murder myself.
~ When I was 9, my hair got cut into a little pixie cut that would've been adorable on a skinny little elf of a child - with my round everything, well, do you remember Pat, from Saturday Night Live? I went to church with a neighbor and her friend approached us, doing a double-take at me. She studied me for a moment before turning to my neighbor and asking "Is that a boy or a girl?"
Oh, there are so many more, but my lunch hour is nearly over and I've not eaten yet.
Tell me yours, please? Just one good one. Please?