Monday, May 2, 2011

Memories - in the thankfully forgotten corner of my mind

There's this guy I had a major crush on when I was in middle school - Judd Morgan.  I just got an email saying he's following me on StumbleUpon.  I don't know what that means - no really, I don't - but I felt a little flattered.  And concerned. See, here's the memory that I relive every time I see Judd's name show up on my Facebook feed:

He was beautiful; olive skin, dark hair and eyes, an easy smile.  He was smart.  And he was kind.  I was the girl you probably shouldn't be found talking to in school, but somehow, I'd gotten his number, and when he answered the phone and learned it was me on the other end, he kept talking.  That was cool.

I don't know how long the conversation lasted - I was in the junk room at the back of the house, hanging out in the basement stairwell, the only place in the house where I could guarantee my Momma wouldn't overhear my phone conversation while she cooked dinner.  Judd had been talking to me for a while - I fancied myself one of those chicks who guys could talk to.  I figured it was good timing -

"Judd, will you be my boyfriend?"

He was kind when he turned me down.  He didn't make fun of me.  He didn't hang up.  But he didn't say yes, either.

I decided to deploy a tactic I'd used on my Momma for years - begging.  I could beg Momma into anything, why would this boy, this object of my affection, be any different?  Oh, but he was.  I pleaded and I begged, but he didn't budge.  He wasn't going to be my boyfriend.  He wasn't going to be cruel to me, either.  He didn't hang up, he didn't laugh, he wasn't mean.  But here's the real kicker:  To the best of my knowledge, Judd never told another soul about my shamelessness.  And thank God for that - I can only imagine how much worse things would've gotten.  Middle school taught me nothing beyond the cruelty of humanity and love of the word "fuck".

So thanks, Judd, for following me on Stumble, and thanks for reminding me that I also owe you thanks for being nice to me when you could've so easily been mean.

I said my realization also brought a wave of concern, and that's true - what if he's only following me, only friended me on Facebook, because he secretly laughs at me all the time and wants to see just how much of a trainwreck I really am?!

Gee, I hope I don't disappoint.  :)

8 comments:

  1. Maybe, just maybe, he realizes now what a jerk he was.

    You little vixen!

    Hugs!

    Patty

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  2. Sometimes it can be cool to reconnect.

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  3. :)

    Ahhh, those Middle School Crushes....

    I had a crush on a trumpet player who was a year ahead of me in school. I would have talked to him if you paid me! (too scared)

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  4. Ah, nostalgia! You were a brave little middle schooler! I never would have had the guts to ask someone to be my boyfriend in middle school.

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  5. Oh my gosh, this story gives me that knot in the pit of my stomach that I get every time I even imagine doing something that could potentially result in embarrassment. You are brave and amazing. I need link to photo of boy, stat. Email me a link or somethin' woman. Don't leave this middle-school loser hangin'!

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  6. I applaud your middle school bravery, notie! I don't think I would've been able to ask any crush to be my boyfriend! No wonder you're so awesome today!

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  7. I meant to tell about the part where I told him if he'd just be my boyfriend, he didn't even have to tell anyone - that we could totally keep it a secret.

    Guess I blocked that part out last night while I was writing. It's pretty embarrassing.

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  8. This post made me smile. It's such a reflection of who we all were at that awkward age. We thought we "needed" things when we only just wanted them--but wanted them SO bad.
    I adore the courage you had at that young age!!!
    xx

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Please don't make me cry.

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