There's this guy I had a major crush on when I was in middle school - Judd Morgan. I just got an email saying he's following me on StumbleUpon. I don't know what that means - no really, I don't - but I felt a little flattered. And concerned. See, here's the memory that I relive every time I see Judd's name show up on my Facebook feed:
He was beautiful; olive skin, dark hair and eyes, an easy smile. He was smart. And he was kind. I was the girl you probably shouldn't be found talking to in school, but somehow, I'd gotten his number, and when he answered the phone and learned it was me on the other end, he kept talking. That was cool.
I don't know how long the conversation lasted - I was in the junk room at the back of the house, hanging out in the basement stairwell, the only place in the house where I could guarantee my Momma wouldn't overhear my phone conversation while she cooked dinner. Judd had been talking to me for a while - I fancied myself one of those chicks who guys could talk to. I figured it was good timing -
"Judd, will you be my boyfriend?"
He was kind when he turned me down. He didn't make fun of me. He didn't hang up. But he didn't say yes, either.
I decided to deploy a tactic I'd used on my Momma for years - begging. I could beg Momma into anything, why would this boy, this object of my affection, be any different? Oh, but he was. I pleaded and I begged, but he didn't budge. He wasn't going to be my boyfriend. He wasn't going to be cruel to me, either. He didn't hang up, he didn't laugh, he wasn't mean. But here's the real kicker: To the best of my knowledge, Judd never told another soul about my shamelessness. And thank God for that - I can only imagine how much worse things would've gotten. Middle school taught me nothing beyond the cruelty of humanity and love of the word "fuck".
So thanks, Judd, for following me on Stumble, and thanks for reminding me that I also owe you thanks for being nice to me when you could've so easily been mean.
I said my realization also brought a wave of concern, and that's true - what if he's only following me, only friended me on Facebook, because he secretly laughs at me all the time and wants to see just how much of a trainwreck I really am?!
Gee, I hope I don't disappoint. :)