Sunday, May 15, 2011

Rainbows and Sunshine

I don't have the right words to express the happy I feel today.

Yesterday, one of my favorite people learned that she's going to have a baby.  (I'm not sure who she's telling just yet, so for now, I'm not naming names.)  I'm overjoyed for her - in the purest way, I'm so glad that her dream is coming true.

Yesterday, I knew I had to go see my brother.  I didn't want to, and I almost didn't, but at the last minute I knew it was something I had to do.  So I did.  He wasn't expecting me; I thought Momma had told him I was coming, which was part of the reason I felt like I had to do it - I didn't want to disappoint him.  He said he'd had a bad day so far, and he was really glad I came, because it made the whole day brighter.  He said when he was high, he'd look at me and see my job and my car and my home and my relationship and he'd think "she only wants to be around me so I can see she's better than me".  It makes me cry just to type those words.  I love my brother so much; he knows that when he's sober.  He hates himself so much when he's high that he can't believe anyone would ever love him. But he knows he's loved right now.

Yesterday, Jimi and I woke up happy and in love and the feelings carried throughout the day, without me being an unnecessary grump or bitch even once!

Today, we woke up happy and in love again.

Today, I've made biscuits from scratch to marry up with Jimi's sausage gravy.  I've washed several loads of laundry, baked a cake, marinated chicken breasts.

Today, I polished my finger- and toenails.  Hot pink.  I dig it.  I don't think there's been polish on my nails in 3 years, maybe longer. My fingernails will forever be stubs because I can't keep them out of my mouth, and I'm just not enough of a girly girl to bother with my toes.  Maybe I should work on that.  I feel pretty.

Today, we took the dog for a walk.  It was raining, but we did it anyhow.  

Today, I changed the sheets on the bed.

Today, my world is full of rainbows and sunshine, even if it is 62 degrees and rainy outside. There is love and happiness and promise for the future.


  1. Oh my goodness...I can't tell you how much I love this post. Yay for YOU!!!! :D

  2. When I'm high, I'm the exact opposite. I feel more love than when I'm sober. When I'm sober, I kinda hate my life. Maybe that's really fucked up. I'm pretty sure it is.

    That said, I'm glad your brother is doing better and that things seem to be looking up for him. I know how much it worries you. Hang in there with him. I know that you will.


Please don't make me cry.


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