Thursday, June 30, 2011

It's a Major Award!!!

My Notie Kari at Know-It-Not-So-Much is pretty special, and not in a short-bus way.  She's funny and spunky and sincere and kind.  She's a voracious reader, and one heck of book-reviewer, too.  She takes and shares the prettiest pictures.  Her daughter is so adorable, I just want to squeeze her little cheeks.  She paints pictures of her world with her words, and I love catching up on her life in California (it always sounds so much sunnier than Kentucky!), and I can't wait to read all about her newest bundle of joy, due to arrive in a few short months.  I love ya, Notie!

Kari has bestowed upon me a very special honor -


Whoa.  This means I'm the boss of everything.  I get to make three rules, any three rules I want, no matter what.

(Minute Man's Wife, who bestowed the award on Kari, she made a rule that everyone who eats at a restaurant that uses real silverware must add an extra dollar to their final bill, and that dollar goes to the local food bank to help feed someone in need.  If the restaurant uses cloth napkins, $2 is added.  I love this rule so much I'm trying to come up with a way to get a movement started here in Louisville.  I mean, seriously, what a freaking brilliant idea!  Ixy at Illusion made a rule that ice cream calories evaporate overnight and never cause any ill-effects.  I need that to be true.)

Okay, effective immediately, here are my rules:

1.  For the next 30 days, without telling anyone, we're going to completely re-write our system of doing things here in the good ol' U S of A.  All of a sudden, today, everyone who lives in the United States is a citizen.  Okay?  We're starting fresh.  Oh, and we all have equal rights and shit too, like we're taught to believe when we're little kids.  Maybe this way our children won't grow up and have that "what in the FUCK?!" moment we all did when we realized that "land of the free" thing mostly only applied to rich white men.  All those immigrants in town to pick the avocados we all want to buy at the grocery for less than $2 each (which, by the way, we're able to do because those fellas (and women, and children) are willing to work their asses off for near-slave-labor wages, but whatever), they all are now, immediately, a full fledged member of this American Dream.  I find this only appropriate, seeing as how they're only here because they're trying to live that Dream we all keep talking about while we're sitting on our fat asses watching Real Housewives of Bitchville and Jersey Shore.  And gays can vote and get married and have jobs, too.  And we're going to go back to that "freedom of religion" thing and make sure that Separation of Church and State thing is adhered to.  The laws of the land will be based on values such as "not being a dick" and held to such moral tests as "will this help or harm my fellow man?"  We're waving our magic wand and all of a sudden the Middle East is calm and collected and our troops are coming home and we're funneling all those extra billions toward schools and the underprivileged and our smallest debts first, then the next one, then the next one, just like Dave Ramsey says and we're going to fix our credit rating and Save Teh Babbies too!   You with me so far?

2.  (Okay, so number one may have technically counted as at least three rules, but I'm making the rules here, so shut it.)  You know the war on drugs?  We're de-funding that shit.  We're refocusing that money and we're calling it the "War on Cancer" and we're going to eradicate that fucking bastard.

3.  Wait!  Hear me out - it's totally okay to de-fund the war on drugs because we've legalized the good shit and convinced everyone how awful the bad shit is and the people who were addicted have been through  treatment programs that made them realize they have better options and everyone lives in a world full of kittens and rainbows and unicorns.

There.  Those are my rules.  Today.  I'll change my rules and come up with better ones as soon as I hit "Publish Post", but whatev.

And now to pass the power along...

To Kimmie at Nothing To See Here.  I work with her.  She's my of my nearest and dearest BFFs.  She gave me a place to live when I didn't have anywhere but Momma & Daddy's to go.  And she's just recently started blogging and needs some new friends.  And she needs to make some rules.

To Kiley at We Were Going to be Queens.  Go back and read forward - it's like watching her become who she is.  I don't know her, but I'm a total blog-stalking fan.

To Eliza R. Snitch at, well, Eliza R. Snitch.  She's one of my favorite used-to-be Mormons.

To Chubby McGee, because I love her and it's totally her turn to make some rules up in here.  The universe owes her.  

To Patty at Another Cookie, Please!.  She's smart and sassy and I think I could live in a world where she's makin' the rules.

To Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone.  She'll use her power for good and make the world better for us all, I can feel it!

To Sushigirl at Just us and the cat, because in a world full of things she can't control, here's something that she can.  :)

Happy Thursday, people!  (Is it Friday yet?)

5 comments:

  1. This warms my heart! Thank you for the shout-out!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here I go!

    1.) Fuck the speed limits and road rules that are constantly being violated and not paid attention to anyway. If you see someone driving like a dick (especially when you have kids in the car), you're allowed to ram them off the road and verbally assault them. I'm tired of soccer moms in minivans riding my ass in the 35 MPH zone. I'm tired of seeing teen drivers texting while they're driving and almost clipping the backside of my car (where my children are innocently sitting). I'm tired of big, hulking men in giant SVUs and trucks speeding like idiots when there's snow on the ground and my little sedan can barely maintain contact with the road on the ice. I'm tired of drunk drivers hitting kids and other cars and getting away with it.

    2.) Uncle Sam, if you want to make sure that kids in the US are cared for then DO IT. Stop feeding kids all over the world. Pay attention to your own front/back yards. I'm lucky to have a "little help" from family members when things get super tight, but there are kids all over the country who go to bed hungry every night and it's not because their moms and dads aren't trying. Start dropping "care packages" in our own neighborhoods. Once we get ourselves upright HERE, we can start paying it forward to other places. Hopefully, that "ripple effect" will pay off.

    3.) I'm with Natalie. Let's end the war on drugs (you can't stop drugs anyway...duh...). Let's start a war on cancer.

    4.) Start focusing on what REALLY goes on in public schools. The halls are filled with hopeless/helpless kids. Start putting the pressure on their inattentive parents and NOT their frustrated, poorly paid teachers. Eh?

    5.) Fuck student loans. And Sallie May. And Fannie May. If you can't offer free education for ALL kids to better themselves for a better future, to provide the country with a better economy then don't have colleges/universities. +And, if you insist on making college look SO important (I went and it took me years to find a decent job...for low pay and little hours), then allow people to pay off their student loans with their own tax dollars. You're going to ask for people to repay their student loans AND you're going tax the income they receive as a result of jobs gained (if possible) by those student loans? Nah....that's just dumb. A monthly payment of $800 + whatever you're taking out of each paycheck every other week for taxes = ridiculous.


    P.S. I'm not celebrating this Fourth of July. I don't feel like it. I don't feel happy about living here, but I'm too poor (thanks, America) to get out.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Okay Nats....I'm so effing embarrassed here, also paranoid that I'm losing my marbles well before my time.

    First, you just stopped by my blog and left a comment and I realized that I had forgotten to pass an award along to you in my post. You see, I hate doing things in even numbers and because today is the 7th (and my B-day) I wanted to share with 7 blog-buds. Anyways, went back and added you to the awardees, came here to your place, clicked on the Overlord Award pic...and saw that you sent it to ME, weeks ago! Duh, duh, DUH!
    How did I not know this or did this happen when I was moving from Blogger to WP?
    I'm so sorry for not acknowledging this sooner...thank you!

    Now...I'm passing another Overlord back to you and then going to have a drink cuz I'm flucking confused. Hugssss!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Patty, don't sweat it girl! It's hard to keep up with the ENTIRE INTERNET, and things are bound to be missed every now and again. It's no big deal, I just hope your birthday was fantastic and wonderful!

    And I'll take that other Overlord award - I need to make some more rules up in here anyhow. :)

    ReplyDelete

Please don't make me cry.

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