Monday, September 6, 2010

Who decided to let me have a baby?

The more I read, the more terrified I become.  Apparently, EVERYTHING is bad for baby.  Everything.  I'm starting to feel like no matter what I do, i'm going to fuck up my child in some way shape or form.

For example, unmarinated grilled meats are bad, they say.  I had grilled chicken Saturday night and grilled hot dogs and brats last night.  I'm supposed to avoid lunch meats, too.  And plastic.  And probably, my place of employment.

And then, friends who have had babies in the last few years are telling things to help me get prepared:

~  Save money
~  Start looking for daycares now
~  Save money
~  Start buying diapers and wipes now
~  Save money

Apparently babies are expensive.

And then I had the realization that I'll never have any freedom ever again.  I'm going to be attached to this little person night and day for the next...well, forever.  Even after it starts school, my heart and mind will be with it always, worrying and hoping that everything's okay.  Even when it's grown, I'll always be worried and hopeful, wanting only good things for this person that is half of me.

Holy shit.  This is so overwhelming.

I'm scared to death that we've done something crazy, something I'm not actually ready or able to handle.  Oh man, this is intense.  It's serious.  This isn't just a dream of rocking and swaddling and singing and playing and laughing.  This is real, this is life changing, this is the most fucked up thing I've ever experienced.

God, I hope I don't fuck this up.

1 comment:

  1. You and Jimi are going to be amazing parents. You're both so loving and warm. That baby is going to know how much he or she is loved, and that's what it all boils down to.


Please don't make me cry.


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