Sunday, September 5, 2010

Holy Shit

That's my phrase of the day.  I've said it over and over again, and when I don't know what else to say, it's what I go back to, because it just seems to fit my jumbled thoughts so well.  Holy shit.

I'm pregnant.

I really don't know what more there is to say.  That says it all, doesn't it?  Oh, but of course, I won't remember what "all" is in a week, so here, let me tell you about a little of it:

No beer, no smoking.
And I'm going to have to stop cussing so much, because I may as well start practicing now, right?
OMG, how will we pay for daycare, diapers, toys, formula?
I can't even keep my house clean now, how will I manage when there's a little baby that needs a safe clean place to sleep?
My boobs won't hurt this bad for the whole 40 weeks, will they?

And all that comes after the "Holy shit, I've been drinking and smoking like it was no big thing for the last month - I hope my child has a spinal cord" thoughts.

I'm in shock.  When I peed on that stick, it didn't even need to think about what the answer was...that line was there before I finished peeing.  Jimi was downstairs in the shower.  I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

"Baby, I think we're going to have a baby."  That's what I said to him.  He opened the shower curtain and smiled at me.  I was shaking.  He kissed me and hugged me and I got in the shower with him and we stood under the warm spray while I tried to understand just how dramatically our lives just changed.  I cried a little.  I'm sure I'll cry a lot more before the end of this journey.

My parents are shocked, too, but they're happy.  They want to know when we're getting married.

Part of me wants to scream from the rooftops "WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!"  but there's another part of me that is so scared to say anything to anyone, because what if something happens?

We're not going to think about that.  We're not going to address it as a possibility unless we have to.  And we won't have to.

We're going to focus on welcoming into our lives a healthy, happy, perfect little baby some time next May.

And I'm going to try to figure out how I'm not going to freak right the fuck out, because OMG, all of a sudden I can FEEL every way in which I've not been a responsible adult up to this point in my life.  I've got to get a budget together, i've got to ramp up my savings, I've got to buy more life insurance, we've got to get those legal papers signed and filed.  OH, and I've got to find an OB/GYN.

I'm blown away.  I'm thrilled.  I'm excited.  I'm scared to death.  And I love Jimi so much.

Jimi's happy.  He's excited and scared, too.  He's going to be an amazing father, and I'm glad that I get to travel this path with him.

I just can't believe it.  I mean, Holy Shit!!!

1 comment:

  1. This is SO exciting! I love you guys so much! Baby shower!


Please don't make me cry.


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