Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The right words, at the right time.

Melinda:  So, what are you going to do if you go to the doctor in three weeks and they're all "You're not pregnant!"

I know what she meant.  She meant, what if the test you took was wrong, and you got a false positive.  She's not being morbid or suggesting I'll have a miscarriage.  Still, I was taken aback.

Me:  I guess I'd be heartbroken.

Jimi:  We didn't plan this, but man, if that were to happen, I think I'd be ready to say "Let's try again, let's do this thing."  We're excited and ready for it now.

This, from the man who didn't know if he wanted children.

See, I was married once, and my former husband, when he asked for the divorce, told me that he no longer wanted to have children.  I was all, "Well, that makes it easy.  I wish you would've told me two years ago and saved me some time, because that's a complete deal-breaker."  I relayed this story to Jimi shortly after we began dating.  Months later, when we decided to move in together, he confessed that he wasn't sure if he wanted to have any children, either.  He further admitted that if he didn't have any children by the time he turned 40, he knew he wouldn't want to have them.  (He was 35 at the time.)  He knew it was a deal-breaker for me in my failed marriage, and wanted to make sure he didn't set us up for failure from the very beginning. 

At that point in my life, though, I was 26 years old, divorced, barely working, and living in my friend's upstairs.  Having kids was the absolute last thing on my mind, and I had been enjoying my new single life so thoroughly that I had begun to reconsider my desire to be a mother.  Surely it was more fun to have my freedom, right?  And i'm awfully selfish...what was wrong with choosing to live my life for me, instead of a brood of mini-me's?  So I told him it didn't matter, and I meant it.  I loved him, and the idea of walking away from him for the sake of something I only maybe still wanted was insanity.    

And the years passed.  I started thinking I wanted a child.  Sometimes.  Not all the time.  Some days I'd be crazy with the desire to be a mom, other days, I didn't understand where those crazy thoughts had come from.  Jimi was always the same..."maybe one day, but now's not the right time.  We're not ready yet.  We need to do this, this, and that first."  And the days moved right along.  We got a dog.  We bought a house.  We painted the bathroom. 

And now, here we are.  I'm thinking "WTF have we done?!" and he's all "YAY!! I am a manly man, with strong baby-making sperms!!!  We're going to have a baby!!!  YAY!!!"

I love that man with every ounce of my being.  He always knows just what I need to hear to make everything okay. 

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