My soul feels happy.

(Friday)

I decided sitting around the house all day would be a complete and total waste of a perfectly good off day - I should take advantage of the freedom to do whatever I want and do the things I fantasize about when I'm stuck in the office.  So.  I took a long, leisurely, hot shower.  I got dressed up in a sun dress that I'd never dream of wearing to work (except that one Saturday when I had to go in for an hour - it was the middle of my weekend day and I wasn't changing into jeans, dammit).  I put on mascara and took the extra time to blow-dry my hair.  (No products or styling - we're not getting fancy or anything.)  I packed up the laptop and my camera and my sunglasses and I hit the road.

I spent my morning debating if I should stay put and keep watching movies on FX (I caught the end of Seven Pounds, and then the beginning of The Family Stone) or get up and get moving and go get some brunch.  (One of my Facebook friends said "brunch", and I'm very much a monkey-see, monkey-do sort, so I immediately had visions of lemon souffle pancakes topped with blueberry compote and vanilla custard dancing through my head.  And bacon.  It's not brunch without bacon.)  But I debated too long and then it was closer to lunch time and then the lightbulb came on!  It's Friday!  Lobster Bisque Friday!!!  Every Friday (and some Saturdays, too), The Bodega at Felice serves up their delicious lobster bisque, much to my delight.  Even though they have this soup every week, it's a special treat for me when I get to partake, so when it was quickly moving from brunch time to lunch time, I knew where I was going to start my day.  (Plus, they have wifi, and I wanted to sit and catch up on my reading - it's amazing how quickly the entries multiply in my Google Reader if I skip a day or two.)

The soup was delicious; the rosemary ham & goat cheese sandwich was "eh", only because I got one of those extra chewy white bites of ham (do you have any idea what I'm talking about?) and it sorta ruined the whole experience for me because I have weird food issues like that.  I've got some work I should do, but I may put that off because, well, who wants to think about IRP licenses when it's beautiful outside?  Tonight, sweet Jimi and I have a hot date in Brandenburg - to feed his brother's cat.  It'll be awesome.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Saturday)

Our hot date was awesome - we played darts and had pizza sticks and corn dogs.  

I got up this morning intending to mow the entire yard before the sun got too high in the sky and the humidity made it impossible to breathe.  I'd made about 6 passes, which doesn't sound like much but is actually probably the equivalent of cutting a normal-sized yard (but doesn't make much of a dent in my gargantuan green space), and the mower died.  I checked the gas - there was still fuel.  I crouched down to twist off the oil cap - but I heard a sizzle and suddenly felt a sting on my right knee.  I jump up and back and looked at the offended appendage - there was an inch and a half long welt reddening up, and I could see a space in the center where about an inch of skin was ripped off.  I'd touched my knee to the hot part, like a jackass.  D'oh!

I was done then.  I came inside determined to sit on my butt the rest of the day, but then Jimi figured out the piece of crap mower really did just want more gas, so when he got it going again, I decided to continue my quest for a neat lawn and jumped right back on that horse.  I didn't do the whole thing, but I probably left only a third for Jimi, and then I even showered, so I'm feeling pretty accomplished for 10:30 on a Saturday morning.  

I feel pretty damn good these days.  I'm almost broke, but never quite there, even though I'm putting every extra dime toward debt with the goal of being 100% debt free by September 1st.  (Knock on wood my car or the dish washer or the fridge or something else expensive doesn't break between now and then.)  I haven't been doing any exercise, which is probably why I feel so awesome from the yard-mowing-sweat-fest this morning.  I haven't been super careful about my eating, either, so I've not made any progress on my fitting-into-a-smaller-dress-size-by-October goal - but I've got two months and I'm going to work harder and do better, I swear.  Jimi's awesome and loving and perfect as always, and the baby-making part of my brain has STFU for now, knowing that getting pregnant now, when I have to wear a size-too-small bridesmaid dress in two months, probably wouldn't be such a great idea.  Whatever works, man, whatever works.  Work hasn't made me super pissed off or cry-y for at least a week.  My family's doing alright, my friends are fine.  Life is pretty fucking good, and I have no idea what I've done to deserve this much joy.  (We didn't win the lottery last night, though.  Dang.)

I hope your weekend is fantastic and full of your favorite people and your favorite things and so much happiness you feel like you're going to overflow with it.  Happy Saturday!

Happy Mother's Day!

I posted a picture of my backyard yesterday and Kari was all, 

"Uhhh your yard is ridiculously gianormous. Seriously. Gianormous."  

Girl, you've got no idea.

  

It takes 2 hours to mow with a push mower. 

I really didn't think it through when I told Jimi the house with the big yard was the best one.  

Of course, he hadn't yet told me of his "grass allergy", either, so how was I to know?

Happy Mothers Day to all of the Mommas out there!  My Momma spent the weekend with her sisters; she'll be back home this afternoon and the plan is for Jimi and I to go over and make dinner and plant the lilies we got to replace the ones that were accidentally mowed over last year (Dad).  Daddy's birthday is tomorrow, so I've gotta figure out something for that - nothing like waiting till the last minute.  It'll all be fine.

I've been reading the things you've all written about your moms and how much they mean to you, and I want to do that for my Momma, too, but I feel like I'd probably do it wrong.  I don't know; I don't feel like I'm a very good daughter sometimes.  I love my Momma more than just about anything else in the world, but I take her for granted; I don't spend time with her the way I should, I don't invite her over for dinner or to bake, we don't meet out for lunch and shopping once a week or even once a month.  I'm pretty sure I went three months without seeing her after New Year's and she only lives 20 minutes up the road.  It's shameful.  I know I won't have her around forever, but it feels like she'll always be there because I can't imagine an alternative; she couldn't possibly grow old and die because she's my Mommy and she still has so much to teach me!

Sometimes I feel like I've let her down by not having a grandchild or two for her yet; like there was a way things were supposed to work out and giving her grandbabies was on the agenda and I've not done my part.  She doesn't make me feel that way - she doesn't pressure or nag - I just feel like I've let her down.  And I fear that if I wait too long I won't have her wealth of knowledge and advice at my disposal.  

Jimi asked me last night what Momma's favorite meal is, and I don't know the answer.  I could only come up with "chicken livers" - I know she loves them, but I don't think they're her favorite.  She likes eggs but can't eat many of them because they make her belly hurt.  Her favorite color is green.  She's left-handed and she plays the piano beautifully - she can open up a piece of music for the first time and play it like she's practiced for days.  She goes to the grocery probably 5 times a week.  She cooks dinner almost every night even if there won't be anyone but her to eat while it's hot.  She's a worrier - all the women from that line are, me included.  She's brilliant with money - Daddy says it's all because of her that the banks would be happy to lend them more money than they could ever hope to pay back.  She makes delicious healthy foods and says they're not worth eating because she forgot to add this or she put in too much of that - Granny did that too, and apparently, so do I.  

She says she's not my friend - she's my Mother.  There's a difference.  At 31, I'm still working to get her to revise her stance on this topic - I get why it was important 10 or 15 years ago, but these days?  Not so much.  

I love holding her hand or hugging her close to me; she's my Momma, and it feels like coming home to touch her.  I know I'm always safe and loved when she's in the room.  Her smell is Aromatics Elixir from Clinique - if I get a whiff on another woman in a store, I have to call Momma to tell her I love her because she suddenly feels close.  

She always has the right words.  When an ex-boyfriend hurt me and I had to leave the apartment we shared, I thought I'd have to suck up my pride and beg to go back home - Momma's words were "Natalie, you get what you have to bring and you come home.  And for God's sake, don't let your father find out what he did."  I don't remember the exact words either of us used when I called her from El Paso to tell her my husband wanted a divorce, but I remember the fear I felt dialing the phone, and the relief that washed over for me when she said she was just so sad for me, but that I was strong and she admired my strength and that she'd get my bedroom ready for me again - and then she sent me a check to pay for my moving expenses.  And last year, when I was pregnant and then I wasn't, she loved me and cried for me and with me and told me everything was going to be okay and I believed her because she's my Momma and she'd never lie to me.  

She's my Momma and everything I have, everything I am, is because of and thanks to her.  She's taught me everything I know, but I still have so much to learn.  I'll try harder, Momma, I promise.  I'll do better.  

Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends out there in blogland, also.  You've all taught me a lot - about life, family, friendship, womanhood.  Like a community of motherly knowledge I can draw from - thank you.    

In other news, this:

Spring 2011: BEFORE

That boy said it was time to take "before" photos of the yard,
and I thought "Too soon".  

And then today it was 63 degrees here in Louisville, Kentucky.  

It's February 16th, in case you don't have a calendar close. 

This is unusual. 

And I love it.  

The yard does too, apparently - I found these guys peeping up on the side of the house:

And then I decided that since I had my camera out, 

and it was such a lovely day, 

I should take a few more shots:

I took a picture of the Buddha that lives under the Japanese Maple.

No, I'm not being racist.

And there was this bird nest in the burning bush:

Can you tell what it is?

Maybe from a different angle: 

No?  Well, I did the best I could. 

And then there's the River Birch out front: 

I think this is my favorite tree in our yard.

This one's a close second, though, and will be first when we finally hire Steve to clean it up for us and cut out all of the dead that's left over from the ice storm a few years back.

I didn't get any good shots of it, but its got a great root structure - all lumpy and fairy-land-ish.  The sort of tree I used to play under with my Bambi figurines from McDonald's. 

I love outside.

Random Ramblings

~  I dislike the work that is involved in mowing a half acre yard after ignoring it and pretending someone else will do it for nearly 5 weeks.

          ~ I really like the way it makes my skin glow afterward, though.

          ~ And I really like the way Jimi is super attentive and sweet after I've finished.  I went straight into the shower after mowing, and he came in and washed my back then shampooed and conditioned my hair for me.  Pampering is always welcome, and he's oh so good at it.


~  I'm fixing The Pioneer Woman's Bow-Tie Lasagna for dinner tonight.  (Except I'm using rigatoni instead of bow-tie pasta because I like it better.  And I have it on-hand.)  Cheese, sauce, carbs, garlic - what could be better?

~  The beer has been moved into two smaller carboys for secondary fermentation.  I had a taste.  It is delicious, and it packs a punch.  I will have to be careful in my consumption.

I have to post things like this.  Otherwise, how will my blog ever live up to its name?

Sunday Morning

I went to Valu Market this morning to pick up Juice, Milk, and English muffins.

They don't have English muffins at Valu Market.  Not one package.  Not even an off brand.  No English Muffins.

And their milk?  It's priced a dollar higher than milk at Kroger.  Every day.  All the time.

So, my lesson of the day is to go to Kroger on Sunday mornings for my Milk, Juice, and English muffins, not Valu Market.  Even if Valu is closer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We went to the Edwards Family Reunion yesterday, in Acton, KY.  This is my maternal grandmother's family, and we've held the even at the same Church Retreat compound for the last...lord, I don't know...20 years?  When I was a child, we'd show up on Saturday morning, and there would already be a crowd of folks from the country.  (If you didn't live in Louisville, like my family, you were from "the country".)  This always included my Great-Grandmother, Mae Edwards, the matriarch of the family.  She wasn't in attendance yesterday.  She's 98 years old, and she's not been in the best of health for probably the last year.  She still has good days, just not as often as she used to.  I'm disappointed we didn't see her, and I wish we'd left early enough to visit her at home.

Granny and Papaw weren't there this year, of course.  They've been gone for years now.  I miss them every day, but our loss is more pronounced at gatherings such as these, where Granny used to be the life of the kitchen, chopping and stirring and baking, and where Papaw would be over on the couch in the corner with his guitar, pickin' and a grinnin'.  I miss the music they made together, after dinner or supper, when we'd all crowd around and listen to them harmonize to old gospel songs.

Aunt Cill wasn't there this year, either.  She didn't want to get her feelings hurt.

There was good, though, and plenty of fun.  Spending the day with my Momma and my aunts and my cousins - a good time was had by all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jimi and Steve are moving their beer into the second fermentation rack today.  I think that means they're basically transferring it from one carboy to another and then letting it hang out for another few weeks while it gets delicious.

I'm going to be doing some gardening.

And then we're supposed to mow the yard.  We'll see about that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And then we came to the end...

Vacation!

Jimi and I took a half day yesterday, and now we're not due back to work until Tuesday morning.

I got up to an alarm at 6:30 this morning and went to work.  (I'd forgotten to print off production schedules before I left yesterday.  Oops.  I really need to teach someone (Kim) how to do the basic computer parts of my job.)

I was at work for maybe half an hour, then went Krogering to pick up some milk, coffee cream, doughnuts, english muffins, cherry preserves, and strawberry cream cheese.  Making that list makes me feel fat.

My plans today include:


     ~  Mowing the yard.  Twice.  Because it's that tall.

     ~  Playing on the internet

     ~  Playing Sims 3

     ~  Finishing Book 6 of the Harry Potter series.  (New movie comes out in November; must re-read the books to prepare for opening-night viewing.)

     ~  Grocery shopping.  (I love grocery shopping.  Until it's time to check out.  Then I want to get all stabby.)

     ~  Playing on the internet

     ~  Not working

The rest of our long weekend looks just as exciting.  You're totally jealous, aren't you?

Nothing to see here...

Jimi and Steve brewed beer yesterday.  They call it Ernge.  (It helps if you try to sound like a pirate when you say it.)  It has ginger and orange zest giving it its OOMPH - well, along with a lot of candy sugar and yeast. This is the second time they're brewing this original recipe - the first was 2 years ago and i drank almost all the finished product.  (Steve says he's taking his 5 gallons home with him to protect it from me and my drunken ways.)  This is no beer for lightweights - it packs a punch with 8-9% ABV.  They bottled it the last time - they've since moved on to kegging the beer instead, and I must say, it's a much more enjoyable drinking experience.  There's just something fun about a keg, you know?  The word "keg" makes you think of a party, doesn't it?  Whereas a bottle of beer - pshaw, you can have one of those any time.

Momma came over mid-day.  I bought her a Sansa Fuze for Mother's Day.  She says she loves it, but she has no idea how to use it beyond playing the songs I loaded on it for her.  She brought it over so I could download and sync her chorus music, along with loading the new Christina Aguilera and Susan Boyle CDs.  (She says Christina is trashy, but she has a strong voice.)

Momma was fascinated with the brewing process.  She stood on a makeshift bench Jimi had rigged in the garage and watched as they added boiling water into the tank with the cracked grain, laughing when she realized it smelled so much like oatmeal.  She asked a million questions, as she always does (and how it used to embarrass me!), and these two burly men were happy as clams to answer her every inquiry.  They love showing off how much they know about making beer.  Momma was super impressed.

Moving on.

Our yard is atrocious.  The mowers are both dead, and Jimi's truck was dead until just Saturday, and then there was brewing, so we've not gotten either mower into a repair shop.  And the grass keeps growing.  We've got the biggest, most eye-sore-ing-ess yard on the block!  Momma said we need a riding mower.  She did not, however, ofter to buy us one.

And so the yard grows.

Work was hard today.  I started off my morning firing the driver I hired last Thursday.  Then I found out one of our "veteran" drivers (been employed more than 1 year), um, unembellished the facts of the "minor fender bender" in which he was involved yesterday.  That "minor fender bender" will cost at least $3500 to repair - and that's just our truck.  THEN, the driver who was involved in the not-his-fault crash 2 weeks ago?  Comes back from the occupational physician with a note that he's starting physical therapy, tomorrow, at 10 a.m.

I got to re-do my schedule at least 6 times.

(Glad I went in an hour early.  And skipped lunch.)

But now I am home.  And I made dinner.  (It's been my turn for at least 2 weeks. And I only made Velveeta Shells & Cheese with tuna.  And Bacon.  I think the bacon made it okay that I didn't cook for the last 2 weeks.  Bacon makes everything better.)  And I found a strawberry freeze pop in the back of the freezer.  And there's still a beer or two in the fridge.

So yeah.  Nothing new here.

An example of why people don't read personal blogs:

Work was hard today. I was rudely awakened at 3 a.m. by a driver with a bad trailer. I don't think I actually managed to get back to sleep. I tossed and turned and dozed and turned and tossed until the alarm went off at 7. Man, I have GOT to find a way to not have to work anymore. Lottery win, selling my soul, BJs in back alleys, SOMETHING. I dread having to go to work, and I'm miserable just about every second I'm there. I'm too busy and just can't seem to catch a break and no one is there to pitch in and say, "here, let me help you with that." I can't do this much longer. I'm going to do something stupid, like scream "I QUIT" and start throwing my personal belongings in boxes and getting the fuck out of there forever. Like my predecessor did. No shit, that's really how she left after 5 years. And when she filed for unemployment, listing "Inability to perform all tasks and duties assigned to me" as the reason for her separation from the company, the company didn't bother to dispute her claim or try to deny her payment. Everyone knew hers was a bullshit, tireless, thankless, insane job.

And so here I am. 2 years and I'm ready to scream. But I won't, because there's a mortgage to pay and insurance to pay and electricity to keep running and water to keep heated and, well, water. I won't because they still pay me a good salary, even if it's not nearly enough to compensate for the bullshit. I won't because I have great health insurance, and while I'm fortunate enough that I could be added to Jimi's policy if necessary, that would cost about double what I'm paying now, and if I didn't have income, who's gonna pay that?

Enough about work...

I'm supposed to either mow the grass or go to my parents' house for dinner tonight. I don't want to do any of it, though I suspect I will end up sweating in a tank top and shorts (even if my legs do need to be shaved).

I should go do that now.