My boss says this makes me a voyeur. And you know what? If I came across a blog where some Mormon chick was talking in intimate detail about her sacred sex life, I would totally keep reading. I'd have Jimi make me some popcorn. I'd be glued to that shit. I'd ignore the stack of orders to be entered and the delivery receipts needing to be invoiced and I'd read that blog all day at work.
So yeah, i guess that makes me a voyeur.
I want to know the day-to-day mundane details of the lives of everyone. I want to know their secrets. I want to know when they have a fight with their best friends (and I want details, dammit! None of this passive-aggressive wishy-washy shit - CALL HER OUT!!! A link to her blog where she responds is much appreciated, too.).
My first real experience with blogs was LiveJournal. A friend had one. She posted all the good shit. And I judged her for it, harshly. I was a complete cunt, to be perfectly honest. There aren't many things in my life I'd do differently, but that's one. I was hateful and mean and I loved every second of knowing everything about her and pretending I was somehow better than her.
What a bitch.
Then my world came crashing down around me when my husband of 3.5 years told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. I wanted the divorce too, but to actually make it a reality? Whoa. So much for my soapbox/pedestal. My friend forgave me, for some reason. And I discovered social network blogging.
People read my divorce blogs. Women sent me messages of support and understanding. I made a bunch of new friends on the site, and I was surprised when they didn't know my history, as I'd been blogging about ALL of it.
(I totally share the good stuff.)
Then there came Jimi. And happy. And I just didn't seem to need to toot my own horn so much. No longer did I feel the need to shout from the rooftops about how awesome my life was and how happy I was and how much fun i was having and how in love I was...living life was just more fun; being in love was better; loving was better; quiet, just the two of us, was better. Who needs to brag to the world when I had all I needed, right here at home, in front of me? And so we settled in, and the random messages stopped coming, and the party invitations dwindled off, and the blogging - what's there to blog about? "I went to work today and it was hard. I came home. I smoked a bowl. I drank a beer. We watched more 'Weeds'. We went to bed. We had sex. I slept like shit."
I know, you can hardly wait to hear more, right?
So that's why I don't blog so much anymore. Even though we bought a house 8 months ago, and there's always something up with that. Even though we bought a canoe a few weeks back, and have already had a few interesting adventures (one of which I started to write a blog entry about, but got to about 11 a.m. on a story that ended at 2:30 a.m. and just lost interest in telling the tale, but maybe I'll finish it eventually.). Even though there's a dog and cat that are always funny. Even though work is always fucked up. Even though, even though, even though...
But I still read blogs. O YES I DO! As often as I can, and when I've caught up on all the ones I watch, i go looking for new ones.
I love Mormon Mommy Blogs. I love any blogs written by Mormons. I'm fascinated with Mormons.
I discovered A Little Pink in a World of Camo after NPR did a spot on it last week. I spent the last 2 nights reading every post. My heart breaks for her.
This guy is an ex-rocker who is madly in love with his baby girl. I discovered him after I fell in love with his wife's prose and frankness and their sweet love story through her blog. They recently learned they're going to have another baby, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I teared up with happiness for them, as if they were my good friends rather than complete strangers with whom I'll probably never share an actual conversation.
Seriously, So Blessed... is a spoof on Mormon Mommy Blogs. If you read the part where I love Mormons, and i love blogs, no further explanation should be necessary.
I didn't know who Dooce was when i came across her blog, but apparently she's kind of a big deal. I dig it.
This chick had four babies in 5 years. And she's like 27. And she's Mormon. I just can't stop reading.
And then there's Cake Wrecks, which I don't technically consider a blog, but more of a place to go to see pictures of awesome and ridiculous cakes, but it's still totally a blog.
So I've been spending all this time reading all these blogs (and LOTS more), and I've not been blogging myself. I want a record of things. I want to go back in five, ten, fifteen years and read about the stupid shit that was going on in my day to day life. (I realized the other day I don't remember anything about Book 7 of the Harry Potter series. If I can't remember that, how will I remember that super awesome canoe trip or the yummy lemon pasta dish we had for dinner that one night or the time the dog got sprayed by the skunk...wait, I think I blogged about that.)
As I was saying, I want a record of my life. If I have kids one day, I want them to read about what their momma and daddy were like before they came along. I want to have a written testimony to the good things in my life, the things I have to be thankful for, the blessings that come my way. And when it's not all kittens and rainbows, I want to be able to look back and remember the lows; to chart my progress as I grow as a person and overcome obstacles.
I wish my parents had kept diaries or journals. I wish they'd written more letters to each other. I wish I knew what sorts of things Granny and Papaw talked about when they were young - what their dreams and fears were.
Whether it's for a future generation of freckled redheads or just for a 70 year old version of me, I'll try to do better.
When I'm not reading about the lives of complete strangers, that is.
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Please don't make me cry.