"Miss, I was wondering if you had anything you could spare? I'm trying to get some food from the store over here, and you could even purchase the items yourself, but I'm hungry. Do you have anything you could help me with?"
My first instinct was to brush him off. I was in a hurry; it was late in the afternoon and there was a ton of work backing up on my desk back at the office. But I can't brush past a person asking for money; I sure as hell can't walk past a person asking for a meal. But I didn't have any money. I told him as much, as I looked helplessly down at the wallet I carried that had only my debit card, my insurance card, my license - no cash. No change in my pockets even. The check I carried was for work. I was debating how long it would take to run over to the little convenience store and buy him some food, when I suddenly remembered the cash I'd been stuffing into the hidey-hole in my car. Cash that was there for when I needed money for a parking meter or a garage or a quick bite to eat at some lame fast-food joint. I told the man to wait, and I dashed back to my car and opened the hidey-hole. A wad of bills that came to $7, and another wad of four ones. I grabbed the $7 and left the rest; I gave the bills to the man and told him to enjoy his lunch.
I wonder if that's the only meal he'll eat today?
I should've given him all the bills.
Sometimes all the pain in the world just seems like too much and it takes my breath away. Jimi told me not to feel guilty for not giving him more; that I gave him what he asked for, that he could buy a loaf of bread and a package of bologna and eat for a few days on less than $7.
I don't feel guilty for not giving him more, necessarily; I feel guilty for having so much. I've never had to stand in a parking lot or at the entrance to a store and ask strangers for money so I could eat. I can't imagine what that life would be like; it's tragic and it's unfair and it's wrong. There is no reason any man, woman, or child should go hungry in this country, in the 21st century. We all have so much; how can we justify walking past a person hungry or cold on the side of the road without offering up something, some little token or gift or change or even just a smile and a have a nice day? Those are human beings, real people with real feelings and emotions. And no matter what circumstances landed them on that street corner or in front of that grocery store or gas station, they are still human beings. We're all nothing more than a few ill-timed tragedies away from being in their shoes; I sure hope if I ever find myself there, walking that particularly hellish path, I hope I manage to cross some kind souls who would give me their stash of parking garage/fast food mad money. I hope someone would offer to buy me a meal. I hope someone would give me a ride, or at the very least that I'd be able to get together enough bus fare to go somewhere where someone loves me and will take me in until I can get back on my feet.
i think about that shit. All the time. And sometimes the amount of pain in this world takes my breath away.
I don't know what political party I technically fall into; I hate a little bit about all of them, I think. I just want people to do the right thing, for fuck's sake. I hate the Republicans, not for all of their ideologies, but for their social policies that are nothing more than a hateful rhetoric built upon the fear that someone other than a white-bread Christian Good-Ole' Boy may actually gain a little bit of fucking power in this country. OH, and heaven fucking forbid our Separation of Church and State-touting Land be marred by the blasphemous idea of giving GAYS the ability to partake in a state-sanctioned union on the basis of religious objections. Because gay people aren't really people, right? They're the same as inanimate objects:
At what point are we going to be okay marrying inanimate objects? Can I marry this table or this, you know, clock? Can we marry dogs?
I fucking hate the Republican stance on almost all social issues. I'm ashamed that our country, which has for so long stood as a beacon of freedom in the world, is even having a debate about denying a group of people their fundamental human rights on the basis of ANYTHING. Haven't we moved past this? Are you motherfuckers going to keep finding people to hate forever? Your time is up; hate is out, love is in. And really, you assholes know most of you would be a fuck of a lot happier if homosexuality was openly accepted and you could quit picking up strange men in airport bathrooms and then having to lie to the world and your poor wife about it.
That's where I'm at right now. Those are my rants. Jimi's been working on his mask for hours and it is beginning to take shape. According to UPS, my costume should be here tomorrow. This may turn out yet. But it's 12:30 a.m., and we're supposed to be up at 6. G'night, Interwebz.