Sunday, October 17, 2010

The fight.

There are things I want to talk about, to write about, to record for posterity.

I want to tell about how I went through the discussions with the missionaries.  About how I had a baptism date set.

I didn't get baptized.

I want to talk about the way I felt the Spirit move me, and how I still feel it, without the baptism.

I want to tell about how a good friend was baptized, but later left the church after a bishop told her she would have more luck finding a husband if she lost weight.

I want to talk about how for years I thought that I knew the church was true, and how I was convinced that eventually, one day, I'd get baptized, and I'd be a member of the fold.

I want to tell how I came to realize that would never happen.

I want to share how I still adore reading about those who do live that life, who believe.  I still imagine my life and how it would be had I been born into that world.

Does it all really need to be said, though?  Or is it too many words?

This is my battle.

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Please don't make me cry.


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