There are things I want to talk about, to write about, to record for posterity.
I want to tell about how I went through the discussions with the missionaries. About how I had a baptism date set.
I didn't get baptized.
I want to talk about the way I felt the Spirit move me, and how I still feel it, without the baptism.
I want to tell about how a good friend was baptized, but later left the church after a bishop told her she would have more luck finding a husband if she lost weight.
I want to talk about how for years I thought that I knew the church was true, and how I was convinced that eventually, one day, I'd get baptized, and I'd be a member of the fold.
I want to tell how I came to realize that would never happen.
I want to share how I still adore reading about those who do live that life, who believe. I still imagine my life and how it would be had I been born into that world.
Does it all really need to be said, though? Or is it too many words?
This is my battle.