I'm not sure what happened. For months there, I was a blogging fool, telling you every (almost) sordid detail of my mundane, boring day-to-day life. And now? I've not posted anything worth reading in weeks. My bad.
I think part of what took the wind out of my sails is knowing I've been snubbed by Blogher. Not that I can blame, them of course, but I really wanted them to like me and let me be one of them. It's been so much longer than 45 days since I submitted that application, though, so maybe in six months I can try again. Maybe in six months I'll have completely lost interest in blogging. Probably not, but I don't do so well with rejection, even if it comes in the form of no response at all.
So yeah, that's a bummer, and makes me do some reflection on my little slice of the internet here. I say this is for me, and it is, really, but I also want you to like it and want to read it, and when I look at the crap I've been putting out there, well, I can try harder, let's just put it that way. I read dozens and dozens of blogs, and some of the writers seem to put so much more into their words; in comparison, I feel like I'm all surface and they're all depth. I could change that. I could. I could try harder. I don't try hard at a lot of things; I think maybe this thing means enough to me that I probably should try hard at this.
I said once that I think you have to live a good life in order to give good blog, and maybe my shitty writing here lately is a reflection of the life I'm living. I don't do much; I go to work, I come home. Rarely, I'll venture out to spend 2 or 3 hours with a friend or family member, but I'm always watching the clock, counting the minutes until I can make a not-rude exit and get back to my house. What, you ask, do I do at home that's so fascinating and enthralling and consuming? Nothing. I sit here, read the internet, watch the ignorance that passes for television programming, eat, pet the dog, tell Jimi I love him. That's pretty much it; so exciting.
I started walking/jogging/running at least 20 minutes a day almost 3 weeks ago, and for the most part, I've stuck to it remarkably well. But you don't want to hear a rehash of that shit. This isn't a weight-loss blog. And really "I walked/jogged/ran for 20 minutes tonight" is really all there would be to say about that. Same with the other major lifestyle change I've made this year - I'm still not smoking. YAY ME! Sure, I've cheated (the entirety of last week was pretty much a shameful weak moment; the time I told you about, then again the night before Kim's birthday when we went out, and then Jimi and I split a smoke on our way home Saturday night), but I've not bought a pack of smokes this year. I'm still counting myself as a non-smoker. I'm going to beat this monkey to fucking death. But again - how many times can I say "Still not smoking!"? Boor-ring!
Can we talk for a moment about the word "fuck"? I like it, a lot; you've probably noticed. I've been told it's tacky, or that it debases my words. I don't worry about that so much; I do worry that it offends. I don't mean to offend - sometimes, I just feel a particular thought needs a good strong "fuck" to fully illustrate the point I'm trying to make. I've tried to switch to Eff or f-bomb, but it doesn't always do the job I'm needing done. This is a battle I fight in real life, too, so please don't feel like I'm saving them all up for my writings.
Anyhow, so I'm either going to have to find a theme or some writing exercises to get my juices flowing, or I'm going to have to get out of my comfort zone and do some stuff I don't usually do. I should probably do both, and not for the blog, but for me, for my sanity and health and social well-being. I'm going to find a Zumba or Yoga class. And then I'm going to attack that volunteering thing I talked about a month ago and haven't done anything about just yet. And I've been more social - I was out 3 times last week, as a matter of fact. Combined, that should give me something to say - deepen that creative pool, so to speak.
So bear with me, bloggy-friends, I'll get my shit together and get to giving good blog again soon enough. The sun is out - that makes me feel more inspired already.