Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How many times has your man just not come home?

A friend asked me that the other day, while telling me about her new break-up.  Six, was her answer.  Zero was mine.  I'd kill him.  To not come home, to just disappear for an entire night, with no phone call or "Hey, I'm staying at so-and-so's tonight" - cannot even imagine.

Another woman I know is in a long distance relationship - she says he's the best thing that's ever happened to her, that he's wonderful and is better to her than she ever imagined a man could be.  But every couple of weeks, he stops answering her calls or returning her texts.  For up to four days at a time.  Most recently at Christmas and New Year.  There's always some lame explanation - he was sick or busy at work.  Too sick or busy to text "I love you, but I feel like shit and can't talk because my throat hurts"?

Our administrative assistant has not been in the honeymoon phase since her wedding last July - her husband has a drinking problem and regularly becomes belligerent and mean.  Yesterday, she told me how the weekend was good, and how he's trying to turn over a new leaf and be a better husband to her.  Last night, he didn't come home.

So.  This is a normal thing?  This is common?  I wouldn't have thought so, but dang, there seems to be a lot of it going around.  How often does your husband/wife/partner not come home at night?  How many times have you stayed up till the wee hours of the morning, praying he'll pick up before the next ring, or that you'll hear his key in the door at any moment?  How many times have you wondered, "Should I call the police?  The hospitals?"

I had one boyfriend one time who did something similar.  He came home, he just came home very very late.  He'd been fucking another chick, of course, but I didn't learn that until many months later.  I was so relieved he wasn't dead, my anger was quenched by his bullshit story about playing some video game with his brother and falling asleep on the couch.

My ex-husband never did that, though.  Jimi's never done it either.  That's childish inconsiderate cruel unacceptable behavior.  Grown-ups don't do shit like that.


  1. Ugh, that sounds awful. I never had anyone do that to me (though I've never lived with a boy). My friend had a situation kind of like that - her bf was in another city for business and he just stopped responding to her texts/calls/emails. For DAYS. Finally, he responded that he was freaking out about the relationship. Awful.

  2. Wow...it's common? I seriously never even thought about it. I've never had that problem. It makes me sad that women would choose to stay with tools like that. :(

  3. It never was an issue with me (granted I might be serving a life sentence or on death row).

  4. Um NEVER! That would be totally unacceptable!

  5. I had that happen with my ex-BF when we were 18 & 21. (Notice the "ex" in the sentence.) Granted, we didn't live together when this happened, but it was still frustrating and scary at times.
    It would have to be a very very very VERY good reason for hubby to not call or come home some evening. And he had better be in the hospital or in witness protection when I do find out why. *smirk*

  6. I don't know why people (ladies!) grieve so over men. First off married, in betwix or indifferent to the hitchin' post., most men want one woman rather than many. What i really don't like is men can't let go of the opportunist thing, and when the " dangerous woman" comes along, well brace your heart. In the past 90's it was like the specimen sharon stone- "heartless homewrecker" as one gossip coloumn referred to the situation between her and a married (?) russel crowe. But oh how times have changed. The new kind is uber rich, unforgivably sexy, earthly, clever,and well lets just say generous- watch out. Children with grand children, foster children, a duet since before the flood- c'est la vie, he's gone yesterday. Think the ditch party brad gave jennifer and oh boy these weren't even children between him and angelina jolie. Talk about gone with the wind.
    Basically these types are pantsless and aimed at the next thing with wood till they get pregnant. Makes one feel for the old fashioned tramp of yesteryear.
    Moves like a glacier, thinks like mercury rising

  7. Moves like a glacier- cheating is always the beginning of the end, and the sad thing is sex is really not that important outside of serious relationships. sorry.

  8. My boyfriend does this sometimes , and I think he will be a ex very soon because I'm getting sick of it!


Please don't make me cry.


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