I said to Maggie that 37 was going to be the year I stopped giving more weight to the opinions of others than I give to my own. Well. I think I said something more like, "I'm going to stop giving a fuck what people think." Same difference.
I decided to start practicing on New Year's Day 2017, figuring I'd get a 4-month head start. It's hard to learn this particular skill, after a lifetime of being overly concerned that everyone around you at the very least isn't mad at you, and at best, is completely comfortable, well-fed, thirst-quenched, and content with all of your most recent actions and opinions. That last bit there, the way I've lived my entire life, I inherited that shit honestly. I think. The women in my family hold opinions, but we don't ever want them to hurt anyone else's feelings. My Mom, my Aunt Pam, my Cousin Stacy. Maybe we're not all that way, maybe it's just us. I don't think Granny was that way. I remember Granny being more of a "That's just the way it is, whether you like it or not" sort of woman. Like when she wouldn't let me win at Skip-Bo - "If I have the cards to play, Natalie, I'm going to play it, whether it helps you or not. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose." Such a hard lesson to understand - the lesson of learning to just roll with it.
I imagine there are about 3 people still seeing my Facebook updates. That's cool. I can't help the soapbox I keep finding myself on. I hold back as long as I can, and then I burst with a flurry of political rants and posts and shares...I just want people to love each other. Stop being so fucking afraid of each other, realize we're all the same, we all want the same things, we're all fighting the same invisible battles...
We don't have to be afraid of each other. It's bullshit for us to be afraid of our neighbors. We are all full of the same nervousness, the same awkward fear of rejection. My self consciousness is exactly the same as yours - we're on a level playing field, we are equal.
I love you. I want the best things for you. You do you your way. But I get to do me my way. That's the deal. We both want what's best for each other, but we each get to define that for ourselves. You don't limit me, I don't limit you. (Basic "don't kill each other", "don't cheat one another", etc etc apply, of course.)
This is our only future. This is the only way forward. This is the way for my family, what I teach my children. Please teach yours the same?
What were your resolutions? How are you doing at sticking to them?