Eleven weeks, three days. I'm feeling settled and confident.
The last week's been sort of emotional. There was a huge brewhaha over some chicken and civil rights, and people came out in droves to declare their support for either side. I was heartbroken to see the numbers that represented the other side, the dark side, the people whose opinions are wrong. I don't say that to start a fight - I say it because that's how I see it and this is my blog and I can say what I want. If you don't believe in equal civil rights for all Americans, you're wrong. It's really that simple, in my world. Anyhow, I spent a good part of the week trying to avoid reading too much about the controversy that shouldn't be, because it makes me so fucking sad to consider how many people still want to limit the rights of others. Life just shouldn't be so damned unfair.
There was happy this week too, though, and plenty of it. Jimi's reading his "Daddy Books", and is monitoring my diet even more closely, making sure that I'm eating the right foods and getting plenty of the good stuff. Maggie made me cry yesterday when she told me she'd like to throw a baby shower for me - it's the first time anyone's mentioned it, and it feels surreal that there would be a party organized to give me baby stuff. Crazy! I can't wait. I bought a cross-stitch kit today, so I can make a little something to hang in the baby's room.
My pants are getting tight. My belly pooch is much more noticeable (to me, at least), and is firmer now, rather than squishy. I look like I never went to boot camp, and then maybe ate some ice cream to celebrate. I'm still 2 pounds lighter than I was 7 weeks, though, despite my much-increased appetite. I'm proud of myself for getting so far into the first trimester without gaining weight - and I'm probably patting myself on the back way too early.
My dreams are crazy and cool and weird and awesome, and I really should start recording them. I always heard you dream more during pregnancy, and I'm so glad I get to experience that part. I love dreaming, I love watching/participating in the stories my unconscious mind creates.
Pregnancy is a-okay in my book so far. I feel mostly normal, just with bigger/sorer boobs and an ability to better-metabolize all the food. I do feel a little sick to my stomach most nights, especially after eating. It's like I can't decide if I'm hungry again, or if I shouldn't have eaten in the first place.
Work was hard this week, as usual, but it was much more tolerable and pleasant than it has been in months. I blame my readjusted attitude, and I'm thankful for it. I didn't need the extra stress my frustration was creating, and I don't like living that way. I like my life happy-go-lucky, thank you very much, and I prefer to keep it that way. I'm incredibly grateful for my fortunate circumstances, and I'm reminding myself of that regularly.
I've decided against the NT scan. I don't want the extra stress. I'm operating under the assumption that everything is going to be just fine, and God help me if I'm making the wrong choice. I'm going to think this baby here, healthy and whole, with my good vibes and positive attitude. If it's meant to be it will be. I feel like this is meant to be.
I think it's a boy. Everyone says girl, I feel boy. Time will tell. We'll love either with equal fervor.
I keep meaning to start a letter to this little one. I started to type "I don't know why i haven't yet...", but I do know. I think I'm nearly past that, though. Almost.
I can't believe that we made a whole another person. I can't believe my body is doing this. What a miraculous thing.