**Disclaimer: This shit is TOP SECRET, yo. Well, as Top Secret as it can be when it's posted on the internet. I can't not blog about this life-changer, but if you know me in real life, please don't share the news - I can't bear to have to make those phone calls or announcements again if things don't end well.
Being sick is never fun, but being sick while knocked up is a special form of suck. I usually take respiratory illness in stride, throwing at it various remedies like extra Vitamin C tablets, nasal spray, over-the-counter cold and flu pills, hot toddies. I'm trying so fucking hard to not have a miscarriage, though, my only defense against this nastiness that came on Thursday night has been water, orange juice, hot steamy showers (I had to debate with myself over that one for a while), a Neti Pot, and Vick's Vapor Rub. Oh, and I've taken a total of two Tylenol to combat my low-grade fever. Friday night's sleep attempt was a joke, and yesterday was the worst, I hope - one nostril completely blocked all day, the other one working at about 70%, zero sense of taste or smell, which of course I didn't realize until AFTER I ordered half the menu at the BBQ joint. My left ear started hurting yesterday evening, but that seems to have cleared up, and today I only have left a little congestion and the occasional body-rattling cough. (The cough just showed up late last night, I hope it's not planning to stay long. Have I mentioned how glad I am that I quit smoking a week and a half ago?) I'm really hopeful that if I spend the day resting and being good to myself, my rockstar immune system will finally lick this bullshit and I can get on with my makin'-a-baby bad self. (I have some of my sense of taste back this morning - yay! Do you know how confusing it is to be hungry and have a house full of great food and not want to eat any of it because what's the point of eating stuff you love if you can't taste it? Jimi made some pork/rice/bean thing for dinner last night, and I have a feeling I wouldn't have liked it if I could've tasted it, but I couldn't, so I ate the shit out of it. Winning.)
Thursday evening, my breasts weren't as sore as they'd been, and in my over-reacting head, of course that meant that the baby was gone and I was going to start miscarrying any second. Friday morning, I drank my raspberry leaf tea on my way to work...and within three minutes of walking into the office, I was bolting for the bathroom to throw it all up. That wasn't sinus-infection-induced, and it certainly wasn't thanks to all the booze I'd downed the night before. Thanks for the reminder that you're still around, kid - 'preciate ya. And maybe you don't care, but in case you do, my boobs are back to being way sore again. Symptoms come and go, ebb and flow, just like everything else in life. I really need to chill the fuck out and just take things as they come. I certainly don't need to make up any extra drama in my head.
We've had so many beans for dinner in the last two weeks, it's amazing our house hasn't floated away with all the extra gas. Beans are so damn good, though. And cheap! And nutritious! And easy! They're like the perfect food, and I guess I'm just going to have to get used to my house smelling like this. (I'm kidding. My house doesn't smell funny. No more than normal. I don't have the pregnancy gas thing yet that everyone keeps telling me is coming. Lucky for Jimi. I can't wait 'til HE is the one awakened in the middle of the night by the smell of death and sulfur - payback's a bitch.)
I was supposed to go today with Melinda and Ruth to King's Island - an awesome amusement park in Cincinnati, OH. I've not been since a few weeks after high school graduation, and Melinda and I have talked about taking a day-trip up there for probably 3 years. We finally planned it...and I went and got myself knocked up. I probably still could've gone...I mean, I'm only 5 weeks...but I wasn't willing to risk it. I can wait until next summer for roller coasters. (Yeah, right. Like I'll leave a new baby next summer to go ride roller coasters. Maybe in a couple of summers?)
Another plan that's been changed, maybe - we were planning a vacation with my parents in late summer/early fall to Washington, D.C. My Daddy's never been, and it's real important to me that he gets out there to see the sites - he'll love it so much! Now, though, I'm wondering if it'd be wise to take a vacation and spend the time and money when we've got a baby coming. You know what, though? I can't wait until the end of February 2013 to take a vacation. I'm ready for some time off right fucking now, and I'll end up going crazy if I have to wait 8 more months to get a break. Besides, I should have somewhere between 3 and 4 weeks of vacation left in February, even if I take a week off in the fall, and I've got short-term disability that will partially cover the weeks that aren't fully paid...fuck it. It'll all work out.
All I have to talk about is pregnancy-related. I can't help it. It's sort of the biggest thing that's ever happened to me, and it's more than a little all-encompassing. Jimi tries to have a normal conversation with me, and somehow my brain always steers back to "OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY?!" And it's still so early, and I'm still so scared, and I want to just KNOW that everything is going to be okay so I can get excited already without feeling like the rug will be pulled from under me at any moment.
So yeah. Not a mommy blog, but this is the total beginning stages.