Life feels like sunshine and kittens right now.
Jimi is everything I could have ever dreamed up, but so much better than what my limited imagination could've come up with. He asked me a few days ago to find him a few dad-to-be books, and when I placed the order tonight and told him they'll be here Wednesday, he exclaimed, "Daddy books?! Yay!" with genuine glee in his voice. He's pampering me in just the right ways, and forgiving with extra swiftness my crazy mood shifts. He laughs at my cravings as he goes along with my every meal suggestion. He tells me even more than usual how much he loves me, and how special I am in his heart. I feel so fucking safe. I feel so incredibly loved.
Daily, a moment will flick a switch in my mind, and I'm instantly reminded of how amazingly fortunate I am to be right here, at this exact place in time, with this exact set of circumstances. I don't know why I get to be the recipient of all of this, why I am wallowing in plenty when so many struggle just to have enough.
My life is a dream I couldn't have dreamed better if I'd dreamed it myself. If I'm sleeping, never wake me.
I had another baby dream Friday night. A fussy little boy wrapped up in yellow and bright blue, trying to suckle at my breast, being passed from my Mom to my Aunts and back around again. I still didn't get a good look at his face, but I could tell he was way cute.
Momma brought us our first baby gift today - a book to record milestones, from pregnancy through 5 years. "You probably won't fill it out, but maybe you will," she said as she handed it to me. (Neither Brother nor I has a baby book from our formative years - she started one for each of us, but didn't get far.) I'm going to make an effort. We'll see how far I get.
I did not mean to stay up this late. Time for sleeps. Sweet dreams!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
10.3 - What's a kumquat? (and other blah blah blah)
"Did you poop?" "Yep!" "Oh, good!"
These are the conversations pregnancy brings to our lives. I've heard that modesty goes out the window, I just didn't realize it would begin so soon.
We're 10 weeks and 3 days along, and life is good. I told some of my extended family on Tuesday, after Grandma's funeral. My Aunt Cill passed my cell phone ultrasound photo around to anyone she could get to stand still - she was so in awe of our little gummy bear. Jimi broke the news on Facebook Wednesday, and we were overwhelmed by all the love and well-wishes that poured in. People love babies, I guess. And us too, it would appear.
I have some nausea in the mornings, usually right after I get out of the shower, and again in the evenings starting around 8 p.m. It's not bad at all, though - more of a discomfort, maybe the way you feel an hour after a meal where you probably should've stopped before dessert but didn't. I can't believe I'm so lucky - I figured I'd for sure be puking my guts out for the first three months.
These are the conversations pregnancy brings to our lives. I've heard that modesty goes out the window, I just didn't realize it would begin so soon.
We're 10 weeks and 3 days along, and life is good. I told some of my extended family on Tuesday, after Grandma's funeral. My Aunt Cill passed my cell phone ultrasound photo around to anyone she could get to stand still - she was so in awe of our little gummy bear. Jimi broke the news on Facebook Wednesday, and we were overwhelmed by all the love and well-wishes that poured in. People love babies, I guess. And us too, it would appear.
I have some nausea in the mornings, usually right after I get out of the shower, and again in the evenings starting around 8 p.m. It's not bad at all, though - more of a discomfort, maybe the way you feel an hour after a meal where you probably should've stopped before dessert but didn't. I can't believe I'm so lucky - I figured I'd for sure be puking my guts out for the first three months.
*****************
I wrote that yesterday before work. I don't feel like starting a new post, so I'm just adding on.
I got a raise yesterday. The one I asked for 5 months ago. I asked for 50%, then 25% - I got 12%. I decided on my way home last night, and again this morning, that this means I need to spend the weekend readjusting my attitude toward my job. I'm damn lucky to be where I am. I have a job, that pays me a good wage, where I have a very promising future ahead of me. I've more than doubled my salary in five years. Holy fuckballs, I've fucking doubled my salary in five years, during which time the country has suffered one financial crisis after another and unemployment has almost hit 10%, and I, without a college education, have doubled my salary in five years. Yeah. I need to get my head in the right place and be glad to have what I've got and not take the work so damn personally.
After breakfast today, we pulled up the carpet in the living room, pulled tacks out of the hardwood underneath, vacuumed a million times, washed it down with Murphy's Oil Soap - and now we have a hardwood floor in our living room. YAY! This is the first of many pre-baby projects we've got planned - all of which need to happen sooner rather than later. I'm very much encouraged by our success today - i was terrified of this project being more than we'd planned for. I was afraid I'd have an unusable living room for weeks and weeks. It's not perfect, but it's perfectly livable, and now I'm really looking forward to tackling the carpet-pulling in other rooms, along with the painting that's scheduled to follow. And the decorating, of course. I'm shopping for a rug and a couch - watch out world when i start shopping for the nursery. Oh, I just can't wait!
I'm tired and I wish we had some ice cream.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
In Loving Memory...
Sally Mae Edwards
May 31, 1912 - July 21, 2012
I want to tell you stories about this woman,
my Great-Grandmother.
I'm going to hold off, though.
I'm going to wait until after I've gathered with my family,
and heard all the old stories again.
I'll come back when they're fresh,
when I've gotten some facts straight.
Meanwhile,
just know she was an amazing woman,
who brought a lot of love to this world.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
They say this happiness is just the beginning...
Oh my goodness. That was breath-taking.
There's a heartbeat! and little legs and little arms and a funny-looking head and a heart that beats and beats and beats! One hundred and sixty-seven times a minute, that little heart was beating! Baby Trogdor (that's what we're calling him for now, Trogdor the Burninator - don't ask why because i don't know the answer, it's just what we've claimed for four years that we're naming our first born) is measuring exactly on target, at 9 weeks and 1 day, with a due date of February 20, 2013.
I'm so overwhelmed. I'm so full of love and happy that I feel like I'm going to explode. I can't stop tearing up. I'm so relieved.
I took the day off work, but Bossman changed the game plan last night and asked me to come in for 2 hours, because he and our Ops manager were going to be offsite - he gets nervous about leaving the place "unattended". So I worked for two hours this morning, which was probably a blessing in disguise, because I was an absolute nervous wreck, and can't imagine the shape I would've worked myself into had I not had other things to focus on. (I didn't sleep well at all last night, and was so nervous this morning that my stomach and chest were both hurting.) Ten o'clock finally came, and off to the doctor I headed. I had just enough time to get to the office and be maybe 10 minutes early for my appointment - so of course I drove past my exit. And of course, because I was panicked about missing my exit, I chose to take the next one, which was another highway, which meant I had to drive an extra 2 miles before I came to the first exit where I could turn around - and of course that exit was one of the busiest in the city, so of course it took all of my wiggle-room time to get turned around and back on target. But I got to the hospital, and I got into the parking garage, and the little old lady in front of me, of course, came to a complete stop at every turn in the garage. And of course, she also took the last available spot in the entire garage. So I made my own parking place, on the roof, in front of two other people who'd had the same desperate idea. I was pissed off and fuming and frankly didn't give a flying fuck if they towed my car - I had to get into that office for my appointment!
I was right on time. Well, if on time means walking into the lobby at the time my appointment was scheduled. Close enough, right?
Jimi was already there, and we didn't have to wait long before they called us back. Thank goodness, they did the ultrasound first - she explained, "I'm going to take some measurements and then I'll turn the screen so you can see, but first I'll tell you what you're waiting to know - there's only one baby in there and it has a strong heartbeat." Whooosh! - There went all my pent up fears and worry and nervousness I've been harboring for the last 5 weeks. Those few words took the scared away. And then she turned the screen, and I saw my baby wiggle. She hit a button, and suddenly the room was filled with the sound of my baby's heartbeat, and then came the tears. I gasped - I'd been imagining this moment for weeks, when I'd let my mind go down that path - but it was really happening. I'm growing a whole another person, and he has a heartbeat!
The rest of the almost-3-hour visit is a blur of questions and congratulations and tests and blood draws. My doctor has prescribed progesterone suppositories and a daily baby aspirin for the next four weeks to further reduce any risk of miscarriage. I would've submitted to anything, I already had all the information I came to get. I was walking on air, and they could've forgotten me in the lobby between call-backs and I wouldn't have cared because I'm growing a baby and he has a heartbeat.
They gave us three ultrasound photos to take home - I texted one to family and a few friends and my phone proceeded to blow up. My Daddy - I think maybe he's more excited than Jimi and I are. When Momma learned she was pregnant with Brother, I remember listening to Daddy call everyone in our phone book to share the news. He did a repeat of that today, I think. He loves babies, and he's so excited for his first grandbaby to finally be on the way.
I guess I can start to think of this all as being really real, huh? I guess now I can start to get excited?
This is one of the happiest days of my life. It feels surreal. I'm so fucking happy, I could just pee.
Wanna see a picture? Baby Trogdor's first close-up:
Gosh, my heart is just so full.
There's a heartbeat! and little legs and little arms and a funny-looking head and a heart that beats and beats and beats! One hundred and sixty-seven times a minute, that little heart was beating! Baby Trogdor (that's what we're calling him for now, Trogdor the Burninator - don't ask why because i don't know the answer, it's just what we've claimed for four years that we're naming our first born) is measuring exactly on target, at 9 weeks and 1 day, with a due date of February 20, 2013.
I'm so overwhelmed. I'm so full of love and happy that I feel like I'm going to explode. I can't stop tearing up. I'm so relieved.
I took the day off work, but Bossman changed the game plan last night and asked me to come in for 2 hours, because he and our Ops manager were going to be offsite - he gets nervous about leaving the place "unattended". So I worked for two hours this morning, which was probably a blessing in disguise, because I was an absolute nervous wreck, and can't imagine the shape I would've worked myself into had I not had other things to focus on. (I didn't sleep well at all last night, and was so nervous this morning that my stomach and chest were both hurting.) Ten o'clock finally came, and off to the doctor I headed. I had just enough time to get to the office and be maybe 10 minutes early for my appointment - so of course I drove past my exit. And of course, because I was panicked about missing my exit, I chose to take the next one, which was another highway, which meant I had to drive an extra 2 miles before I came to the first exit where I could turn around - and of course that exit was one of the busiest in the city, so of course it took all of my wiggle-room time to get turned around and back on target. But I got to the hospital, and I got into the parking garage, and the little old lady in front of me, of course, came to a complete stop at every turn in the garage. And of course, she also took the last available spot in the entire garage. So I made my own parking place, on the roof, in front of two other people who'd had the same desperate idea. I was pissed off and fuming and frankly didn't give a flying fuck if they towed my car - I had to get into that office for my appointment!
I was right on time. Well, if on time means walking into the lobby at the time my appointment was scheduled. Close enough, right?
Jimi was already there, and we didn't have to wait long before they called us back. Thank goodness, they did the ultrasound first - she explained, "I'm going to take some measurements and then I'll turn the screen so you can see, but first I'll tell you what you're waiting to know - there's only one baby in there and it has a strong heartbeat." Whooosh! - There went all my pent up fears and worry and nervousness I've been harboring for the last 5 weeks. Those few words took the scared away. And then she turned the screen, and I saw my baby wiggle. She hit a button, and suddenly the room was filled with the sound of my baby's heartbeat, and then came the tears. I gasped - I'd been imagining this moment for weeks, when I'd let my mind go down that path - but it was really happening. I'm growing a whole another person, and he has a heartbeat!
The rest of the almost-3-hour visit is a blur of questions and congratulations and tests and blood draws. My doctor has prescribed progesterone suppositories and a daily baby aspirin for the next four weeks to further reduce any risk of miscarriage. I would've submitted to anything, I already had all the information I came to get. I was walking on air, and they could've forgotten me in the lobby between call-backs and I wouldn't have cared because I'm growing a baby and he has a heartbeat.
They gave us three ultrasound photos to take home - I texted one to family and a few friends and my phone proceeded to blow up. My Daddy - I think maybe he's more excited than Jimi and I are. When Momma learned she was pregnant with Brother, I remember listening to Daddy call everyone in our phone book to share the news. He did a repeat of that today, I think. He loves babies, and he's so excited for his first grandbaby to finally be on the way.
I guess I can start to think of this all as being really real, huh? I guess now I can start to get excited?
This is one of the happiest days of my life. It feels surreal. I'm so fucking happy, I could just pee.
Wanna see a picture? Baby Trogdor's first close-up:
 |
| Ain't that just the cutest little baby-to-be you ever did see? |
9.1 - Grape
Today's the day. Give me 5 hours, and I'll have a much better idea of how the next 8 months are going to play out.
I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm eager with anticipation. I'm scared.
Send some good vibes our way today, could you? What will be will be, and already is, but I could still use the extra support.
I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm eager with anticipation. I'm scared.
Send some good vibes our way today, could you? What will be will be, and already is, but I could still use the extra support.
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