My house is as neat and straight as it's ever been, maybe. My laundry is handled - not completely, but it is no longer in the realm of out of control and is now my bitch. My sink is clear, my bathroom is clean, my daughters have a freshly-vacuumed carpet. My living room is also vacuumed, and there's a fresh coat of paint on one wall. I have a new clothing-storage solution in my bedroom, and that alone is worth cartwheels. There are a hundred million things that still need to be done and it will take a hundred million years to get them all done, but I feel like I'm off to a great start. My mind is more calm than it has been in a long time. I walk from room to room in the middle of the night, reminding myself that the chaos is at bay, and I breathe a big sigh of relief and contentment and go right back to sleep without a single toss or turn.
I have a new journal and I don't think I love it, but I love the idea of it. There may be another sort that is better suited - I think I saw it on an Instagram ad, but I'll figure it out. This one will do for the first three months.
I have a new self-love routine, and it doesn't involve a vibrator, no matter how that sentence started and sounded. I'm focusing on meditation - at least a few minutes at least once a day - and yoga, specifically the newest 30-day program on Yoga With Adriene. I'm also working in a little ab-specific focus, and hopefully there will be more lifting by the end of the month, but for now, i'm starting where I feel I need to start and will get the most mental benefit.
I am going to read more books - I remember books and remember loving them, but I haven't read in such a long time, unless it's bullshit on the internet. I just don't need that in my life anymore - I need paperbacks. Also, painting. I've had canvas and oil paints and brand new brushes and a brand new desk easel downstairs in the basement, unopened, untouched, for at least 2 years now. Fuck that. I'm going to paint. (I have to finish my laundry project to make a space - oils are messy and I need room to be messy. Work in progress.)
Also, hiking and roller skating.
All of this is so I can be better - a better wife, a better mother, by being a better me. I'm trying to identify the things that make me happy and do those things - instead of reading about all of the things that scare me that I can't change. And I need to spend less time on my phone - especially when the girls are awake. It's inexcusable and I need to do better, for them and for me.
Resolutions, I guess these are. Cross your fingers for me - I need them to stick.
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Please don't make me cry.