I went to bed at 10 o'clock. I felt sick, full of nervousness and fear. I woke up several times throughout the night, but didn't peek at my phone until sometime after 3. I don't think I actually went back to sleep after that.
I had to be at work early - I had meetings with 4 customers today. All of whom were positively giddy over the election results. I sat in a room with three men while they laughingly discussed how their small children asked "Is she going to jail now?", and how they just hoped they held off on convicting her until after Obama is out of office, so he can't pardon her. It took every ounce of my professionalism and self-restraint to not walk out of the room, or worse.
I listened to yesterday's Moth podcast episode - do you listen to Moth podcasts? You should. This one was a story about a family's voting legacy - one that began with literacy tests. I cried.
I still feel like I need to just let it go and have a good cry. I got myself going this morning by repeatedly reminding myself to not stress over things I cannot control, to focus on the immediate things in my life that I can do something about - like calming G down because she hates these white socks and wanted the pink socks. I remind myself that I voted for them, for the ideas I have about the world I want them to grow up in. I read Facebook and Instagram and most of you are hurting today in the same way I am; you're scared like me; you're worried what this all means.
So, for now, I'm just going to keep on keeping on. I'm going to teach my little girls to treat others as they want to be treated. I'm going to surround them with this amazing village of ours, full of brilliant and compassionate people who aren't scared.
I'm going to try to learn to be less scared, too.
I can't believe how depressed I am over this shit. I feel like someone died.
I hope. I hope. I hope.