Monday, March 3, 2014

The First Year

I waited for her for so long.  Her middle name, which we've finally decided is pronounced "AyvLEEN" (Aibhilin), means "child who was longed for", and it is so fitting and true - she was longed for.  She was worth the wait. 

I can't believe how lucky we are, how lucky I am.  That we would be so fortunate to have her as our daughter - our own little baby to love and adore - I can't imagine what we must have done in a previous life to deserve such a pleasure.  We must be favorites of the one who assigns children. 

She's a year old tomorrow.  12 glorious months, 365 days filled with so many smiles my face hurts daily.  She's easy - she loves people, but she's fine with playing on her own, too.  If she's fussy, something's amiss - she needs a new diaper or a nap or a boob.  She eats nearly everything you put in front of her, and nursing is still going strong and has been a breeze (once we figured out what we were doing).  Her favorite words are Mama and Dada and Duck, but she talks all the time; her sweet little voice is more beautiful than wind chimes.  She's been walking for weeks and is nearly a pro; still lots of stumbles, but that could also be because of the 9 mo. clothes she's still able to wear - the footie pants don't have grippy feet.  She still wakes once a night to nurse, but has gotten much better at not waking when I return her to her own bed.  She's healthy and smart and so much fun. 

I can't believe how fast it's gone by, this last year.  If I think about it too much i'll start to bawl; she was so tiny just a moment ago, but I blinked, and now she's walking and talking and before I know it she'll be off to college and won't need me anymore unless she needs someone to co-sign for an apartment.  I can't believe how much I've missed.  So many hours at work missing her sweet smiles when she wakes from a nap, or watching her discover new things.  She's still a baby, but she's becoming a little girl and it makes me so sad that I didn't enjoy those brief moments a little more, that I didn't soak them in better.  But I don't know how I could have, honestly - they were gone before I knew they were fleeting.  I told Jimi, "It's like she wakes up a little more every day."  Like a flower blooming. 

There is so much to motherhood that I didn't know was part of the package, so many day to day trivialities  that you never consider when longing for a baby.  I'll be honest, even though I'm scared to curse myself by sharing this thought:  it's so much easier than I thought it would be. It's hard as hell, don't get me wrong, but I love her so much, I want to do everything for her, i'm happy to do everything for her, it's my privilege and my honor to do everything for her.  Not that I don't get frustrated, because I do, but when it is all said and done, I'm so blessed to be in her orbit, and to be her mother - it's a prize greater than anything I could imagine.  My job is easy because she is easy; I don't fool myself into believing my thoughts on this matter are typical or even that they would be the same or similar if we made Geneva a sibling (which is the main reason we plan for her to be an only child).

I kept her alive and happy for an entire year.  Do you know how much sleep I could've gotten had I known last year i'd reach this point this year?


  1. I think you and Jimi and Geneva are all incredibly lucky, and I'm so happy for you, and so happy to have you all in my life.

  2. Happy birthday Geneva!

    Also, I saw your last post that you took down (it was still in my reader for some reason), so CONGRATS! :)

  3. Geneva is a lucky girl! And I, like Josey, saw the other post in my reason. I'm squealing inside! You're a wonderful mama!

  4. WHOO HOOO!!!! I saw the first snippet in my feed on my blog but you seem to have taken down the post. From reading what the others typed I don't think I imagined what it meant. :) Can't wait to hear when you re-post it.


Please don't make me cry.


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